Heywood, Thomas · published 1633 · first performed or written c.1627 (Annals) tragicomedy · Lady Elizabeth's Men · Phoenix/Cockpit unassigned nearest T46 Swords, quarrels and valour · 475 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T46: rapier, sword, fight, gentlemen, gentleman, kicked, kill, dagger, signor, valour.
How fell they out at first? I know not that, but it seems, one had a Stomach, and another had a Stomach; But there was such biting and tearing with their teeths, that I am sure, I saw some of their poor Carcases pay for't. Did they not send for Surgeons? Alas no, Surgeons help was too late; There was no stitching up of those Wounds, where Limb was plucked from Limb; Nor any Salve for those Scars, which all the Plaster of Paris cannot Cure. Where grew the quarrel first? It seems it was first Broached in the Kitchen; Certain creatures being brought in thither, by some of the House; The Cook being a choleric fellow, did so touse them and Toss them, so Pluck them and Pull them, till he left them as naked as my Nail, Pinioned some of them like Felons; Cut the Spurs from others of their Heels; Then down went his Spits, Some of them he ran in at the Throat, and out at the Backside; About went his Basting-Ladle, where he did so besauce them, that many a shrewd turn they had amongst them. But in all this, How did the Women scape? They fared best, and did the least hurt that I saw; But for quietness' sake, were forced to swallow what is not yet digested, yet every one had their share, and she that had least, I am sure by this time, hath her belly full. And where was all this havoc kept? Marry Sir, at your next neighbours, Young Master Lionell, Where there is nothing but Drinking out of Dry-Fats, and Healthing in Halfe-Tubs, his Guests are fed by the Belly, and Beggars served at his Gate in Baskets; he's the Adamant of this Age, the Daffodil of these days, the Prince of Prodigality, and the very Caesar of all young Citizens. Belike then, 'twas a Massacre of meat, not as I apprehended? Your gravity hath guessed aright; The chiefest that fell in this Battle, were wild fowl and tame fowl; pheasants were wounded in stead of Alfaresse, and Capons for Captains, Anchoves stood for ancients, and Caviar for Corporals, Dishes were assaulted in stead of Ditches, and rabbits were cut to pieces upon the rebels, some lost their Legs, whilst other of their wings were forced to fly; The Pioneer undermined nothing but Piecrust; And— Enough, enough, your wit hath played too long upon our patience; Wife, it grieves me much both for the young and old man, the one, Graces his head with care, endures the parching heat and biting cold, The terrors of the Lands, and fears at Sea in travel, only to gain Some competent estate to leave his son; Whiles all that Merchandise, through Gulfs, cross-tides, Pirates and Storms, he brings so far; Th' other Here shipwrecks in the Harbour.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
How fell they out at first? I know not that, but it seemes, one had a Stomacke, and another had a Stomacke; But there was such biting and tearing with their teeths, that I am sure, I saw some of their poore Carcasses pay for't. Did they not send for Surgeons? Alas no, Surgeons helpe was too late; There was no stitching vp of those Wounds, where Limbe was pluckt from Limbe; Nor any Salue for those Scarrs, which all the Plaister of Paris cannot Cure. Where grew the quarrell first? It seems it was first Broacht in the Kitchin; Certaine creatures being brought in thither, by some of the House; The Cooke being a Colloricke fellow, did so Towse them and Tosse them, so Plucke them and Pull them, till hee left them as naked as my Naile, Pinioned some of them like Fellons; Cut the Spurres from others of their Heeles; Then downe went his Spits, Some of them he ranne in at the Throat, and out at the Back-side; About went his Basting-Ladle, where he did so besawce them, that many a shrode turne they had amongst them. But in all this, How did the Women scape? They fared best, and did the least hurt that I saw; But for quietnesse sake, were forc'd to swallow what is not yet digested, yet euery one had their share, and shee that had least, I am sure by this time, hath her belly full. And where was all this hauocke kept? Marry Sir, at your next neighbours, Young Master Lionell, Where there is nothing but Drinking out of Dry-Fats, and Healthing in Halfe-Tubs, his Guests are fed by the Belly, and Beggers serued at his Gate in Baskets; Hee's the Adamant of this Age, the Daffadill of these dayes, the Prince of Prodigallity, and the very Caesar of all young Citizens. Belike then, 'twas a Massacre of meat, not as I apprehended? Your grauity hath gest aright; The chiefest that fell in this Battell, were wild Fowle and tame Fowle; Phessants were wounded in stead of Alfaresse, and Capons for Captaines, Anchoues stood for Antiants, and Cauiare for Corporals, Dishes were assaulted in stead of Ditches, and Rabbets were cut to pieces vpon the rebellings, some lost their Legs, whil'st other of their wings were forc'd to flie; The Pioner vndermind nothing but Pie-crust; And— Enough, enough, your wit hath plai'd too long vpon our patience; Wife, it grieues me much both for the yong and old man, the one, Graces his head with care, endures the parching heat and biting cold, The terrours of the Lands, and feares at Sea in trauell, onely to gaine Some competent estate to leaue his sonne; Whiles all that Merchandise, through Gulfes, Crosse-Tides, Pitats and Stormes, he brings so farre; Th' other Heere Shipwrackes in the Harbour.