Jonson, Ben · published 1640 · first performed or written 1633 [licensed for stage, May 7] (Annals) comedy · Queen Henrietta Maria's Men T30 Constables, justices and the watch typicality 0.82 · 461 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T30: constable, squire, tub, clay, worship, justice, turf, mr, hun, valentine.
Heaven, and Hell, Dogs, Devils, what is this? Neighbours, was ever Constable thus crossed? What shall we do? Faith, all go hung ourselves: I know no other way to scape the Law. News, news, O news— What, hast thou found out Clay? No Sir, the news is that I cannot found him. Why do you dally, you damned russet coat, You Peasant, nay you Clown, you Constable; See that you bring forth the suspected party, Or by mine honour (which I won in field) I'll make you pay for it, afore the Justice. Fie, fie; O wife, I am now in a fine pickle. He that was most suspected is not found; And which now makes me think, he did the deed, He thus absents him, and dares not be seen. Captain, my innocence will pled for me. Wife, I must go, needs, whom the Devil drives: Pray for me wife, and daughter; pray for me. I'll lead the way: Thus is the match put of, And it my plot succeed, as I have laid it, My Captainship shall cost him many a crown. So, we have brought our eggs to a fair Market. Out on that villain Clay: would he do a robbery? I'll ne'er trust smooth-faced Tileman for his sake. Mother, the still Sow eats up all the draff. Thus is my Master, Toby Turf, the pattern Of all the painful a'ventures, now in print. I never could hope better of this match: This Bride-ale: For the night before to day, (Which is within man's memory, I take it) At the report of it, an Ox did speak; Who died soon after: A Cow lost her Calf: The Belwether was flayed for't: A fat Hog Was singed, and washed, and shaved all over; to Look ugly 'gainst this day: The Ducks they quaked; The Hens too cackled: at the noise whereof, A Drake was seen to dance a headless round: The Goose was cut i' the head, to hear it too: Brave Chant-it-cleare, his noble heart was done; His comb was cut: And two or three o' his wives, Or fairest Concubines, had their necks broke, E'er they would see this day: To mark the verven Heart of a beast, the very Pig, the Pig, This very mornin, as he was a roasting Cried out his eyes, and made a show as he would Ha' bit in two the spit, as he would say; There shall no roast-meat be this dismal day. And zure, I think, If I had not got his tongue Between my teeth, and eat it, he had spoke it. Well, I will in, and cry too; never leave Crying, until our maids may drive a Buck With my salt tears at the next washing day.
seed 43: T36 · seed 44: T35 — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Heaven, and Hell, Dogges, Divels, what is this? Neighbours, was ever Conſtable thus croſs'd? What ſhall we doe? Faith, all goe hang our ſelves: I know no other way to ſcape the Law. Newes, newes, O newes— What, haſt thou found out Clay? No Sir, the newes is that I cannot find him. Why doe you dally, you dam'd ruſſet coat, You Peaſant, nay you Clowne, you Conſtable; See that you bring forth the ſuſpected partie, Or by mine honour (which I won in field) Ile make you pay for it, afore the Juſtice. Fie, fie; O wife, I' am now in a fine pickle. He that was moſt ſuſpected is not found; And which now makes me thinke, he did the deed, He thus abſents him, and dares not be ſeene. Captaine, my innocence will plead for me. Wife, I muſt goe, needs, whom the Divell drives: Pray for me wife, and daughter; pray for me. Ile lead the way: Thus is the match put off, And it my plot ſucceed, as I have laid it, My Captaine-ſhip ſhall coſt him many a crowne. So, wee have brought our egges to a faire Market. Out on that villaine Clay: would he doe a robbery? Ile nere truſt ſmooth-fac'd Tile-man for his ſake. Mother, the ſtill Sow eates up all the draffe. Thus is my Maſter, Toby Turfe, the patterne Of all the painefull a'ventures, now in print. I never could hope better of this match: This Bride-ale: For the night before to day, (Which is within mans memory, I take it) At the report of it, an Oxe did ſpeake; Who dy'd ſoone after: A Cow loſt her Calfe: The Belwether was flead for't: A fat Hog Was ſing'd, and waſh'd, and ſhaven all over; to Looke ugly 'gainſt this day: The Ducks they quak'd; The Hens too cackled: at the noiſe whereof, A Drake was ſeene to dance a headleſſe round: The Gooſe was cut i' the head, to heare it too: Brave Chant-it-cleare, his noble heart was done; His combe was cut: And two or three o' his wives, Or faireſt Concubines, had their necks broke, Ere they would zee this day: To marke the verven Heart of a beaſt, the very Pig, the Pig, This very mornin, as hee was a roſting Cry'd out his eyes, and made a ſhow as hee would Ha' bit in two the ſpit, as he would ſay; There ſhall no roſt-meat be this diſmall day. And zure, I thinke, If I had not got his tongue Betweene my teeth, and eate it, he had ſpoke it. Well, I will in, and cry too; never leave Crying, untill our maids may drive a Buck With my ſalt teares at the next waſhing day.