Blurt, Master Constable, or The Spaniard's Night Walk · chunk 23 of 34
Anonymous · published 1602 · first performed or written 1601 [1601-1602] (Annals) romance · Children of Paul's (second) T23 Husbands, wives and jealousy typicality 0.74 · 485 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T23: wife, husband, cuckold, jealousy, woman, jealous, mistress, love, house, honest.
If while this pleasing fit of thickness hold you, you be invited forth to supper, whimper and seem unwilling to go; but if your good man (bestowing the sweet duck, & kiss upon your moist lip) entreat, go: marry my counsel is, you eat little at Table, because it may be said of you, you are no cormorant; yet at your coming home you may counterfeit a qualm, & so devour a posset: your husband need not have his nose in that posset: no, trust your Chambermaid only in this; and scarcely her, for you cannot be too careful into whose hands you commit your secrets. That's certain. If you have Daughters capable, marry them by no means to Chittizens, but choose for them some smooth chinned curled-headed Gentleman; for Gentlemen will lift up your daughters to their own content: and to make these curled-pated Gallants come off the more roundly, make your husband go to the Herald for Arms; and let it be your daily care, that he have a fair and comely Crest; yea, go all the ways yourselves you can to be made Ladies, especially if (without danger to his person, or for love or money) you can procure your husband to be dubbed: The Goddess of memory lock up these jewels which I have bestowed upon you, in your sweet brains: let these be the rules to square out your life by, though you near go level, but tread you shoes awry: If you can get these rains into your Lily hand you shall need no Coaches, but may drive your husbands: put it down, and according to that wise saying of you, be Saints in the Church, Angels in the street, devils in the Kitchen, and Apes in your bed; upon which, leaving you tumbling; pardon me that thus abruptly and openly I take you all up. You have got so far into our books signor, that you cannot scape without a pardon here, if you take us up never so snappishly. Music there to close our Stomachs: how do you like him Madonna? O trust me, I like him most profoundly: why, he's able to put down twenty such as I am. Let them build upon that; nay more, we'll henceforth never go to a cunning woman, since men can teach us our lerrie. We are all fools to him, and our husbands (if we can hold these rains fast) shall be fools to us. If we can keep but this Bias wenches, our good men may perchance once in a month, get a foregame of us: but if they win a rubbers, let them throw their caps at it. No, no, no, dear features, hold their noses to the grindstone and they're gone; thanks worthy signor: fie, fie, fie, you stand bare too long: come bright Mirrors, will you withdraw into a gallery, and taste a slight banquet?
nodes 720–729 (positions in the processed text, not lines of the printed book) · chunk 23 of 34 in this edition
Length
485 words · 618 tokens
Topic (seed 42)
T23 — Husbands, wives and jealousycross-work theme (confirmed, in the genre comparison) · typicality 0.742 (cosine to the topic centroid)
Other seeds
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
If while this pleasing fit of chicknes holde you, you be inuited foorth to supper, whimper and seeme vnwilling to goe; but if your good man (bestowing the sweet ducke, & kisse vpon your moyst lyp) intreate, goe: marie my counsell is, you eate little at Table, because it may bee said of you, you are no cormorant; yet at your comming home you may counterfeit a qualme, & so deuour a posset: your husband need not haue his nose in that posset: no, trust your Chamber-maide onelie in this; and scarcely her, for you cannot be too carefull into whose hands you commit your secrets. That's certaine. If you haue Daughters capable, marrie them by no meanes to Chittizens, but choose for them some smooth chinned curld-headed Gentleman; for Gentlemen will lift vp your daughters to their owne content: and to make these curl'd-pated Gallants come off the more roundlie, make your husband goe to the Herald for Armes; and let it be your daylie care, that hee haue a faire and comely Crest; yea, goe all the waies your selues you can to be made Ladies, especiallie if (without daunger to his person, or for loue or money) you can procure your husband to be dubbed: The Goddesse of memorie locke vp these Iewels which I haue bestowed vpon you, in your sweet braines: let these be the rules to square out your life by, tho you nere goe leuill, but tread you shooes awry: If you can get these raines into your Lillie hand you shall need no Coaches, but may driue your husbands: put it downe, and according to that wise saying of you, be Saints in the Church, Angels in the streete, deuils in the Kitchin, and Apes in your bed; vpon which, leauing you tumbling; pardon me that thus abruptlie and openlie I take you all vp. You haue got so farre into our bookes Signior, that you cannot scape without a pardon heere, if you take vs vp neuer so snappishlie. Musicke there to close our Stomackes: how doe you like him Madona? O trust me, I like him most profoundlie: why, hee's able to put downe twentie such as I am. Let them build vpon that; nay more, wee'll hencefoorth neuer goe to a cunning woman, since men can teach vs our lerrie. We are all fooles to him, and our husbands (if we can holde these raines fast) shall be fooles to vs. If we can keepe but this Bias wenches, our good men may perchaunce once in a month, get a fore-game of vs: but if they win a rubbers, let them throw their caps at it. No, no, no, deere features, hold their noses to the grindstone and they're gone; thankes worthie Signior: fye, fie, fie, you stand bare too long: come bright Mirrours, will you withdraw into a gallerie, and taste a slight banquet?