How a Man May Choose a Good Wife from a Bad · chunk 27 of 43
Anonymous · published 1602 · first performed or written 1602 [c.1601-1602] (Annals) comedy · Worcester's Men unassigned nearest T41 Household service: masters, doors and po · 501 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T41: master, house, door, iohn, old, mistress, basket, lord, gentleman, ick.
Sir, since you move speech of a Puritan, If you will give me audience I will tell ye As good a jest as ever you did hear. A jest, that's excellent. Before hand let's prepare ourselves to laugh, A jest is nothing if it be not graced: Now, now, I pray you when begins this jest? I came unto a Puritan to woo her, And roughly did salute her with a kiss: Away quoth she, and rudely pushed me from her, Brother, by yea and nay I like not this, And still with amorous talk she was saluted, My artless speech with scripture was confuted. Good, good indeed, the best that ere I heard. I promise you it was exceeding good. Oft I frequented her abroad by night, And courted her, and spoke her wondrous fair, But ever somewhat did offend her sight, Either my double ruff, or my long hair: My scarf was vain, my garments hung too low, My Spanish shoe was cut too broad at toe. Ha, ha, the best that ever I heard. I parted for that time, and came again, Seeming to be conformed in look and speech, My shoes were sharp toed, and my band was plain, Close to my thigh my metamorphized breech: My cloak was narrow caped, my hair cut shorter, Off went my Scarf, thus marched I to the Porter. Ha, ha, was ever heard the like? The Porter spying me, did lead me in, Where his fair mistress sat reading on a chapter: Peace to this house quoth I, and those within, Which holy speech with admiration wrapped her, And ever as I spoke, and came her nigh, Seeming divine, turned up the white of eye. So, so, what then, what then? Forward, I pray forward sir. I spoke divinely, and I called her sister, And by this means we were acquainted well: By yea and nay, I will quoth I and kissed her, She blushed & said that long tongued men would tell, I seemed to be as secret as the night, And said, on sooth I would put out the light. In sooth he would, a passing passing jest. O do not swear quoth she, yet put it out, Because I would not have you break your oath. I felt a bed there as I groped about, In troth quoth I, here will we rest us both. Swear you in troth quoth she, had you not sworn I had not done't, but took it in foul scorn, Than you will come quoth I; though I be loath, I'll come quoth she, be it but to keep your oath. 'tis very pretty, but now whence the jest? O forward to the jest in any case. I would not for angel lose the jest. Here's right the dunghill Cock that finds a pearl, To talk of wit to these, is as a man Should cast out jewels to a herd of swine, Why in the last words did consist the jest.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Sir, since you moue speech of a Puritant, If you will giue me audience I will tell ye As good a Ieast as euer you did heare. A Ieast, thats excellent. Before hand lets prepare our selues to laugh, A Ieast is nothing if it be not grac'd: Now, now, I pray you when begins this Ieast? I came vnto a Puritant to wooe her, And roughly did salute her with a kisse: Away quoth she, and rudely pusht mefro her, Brother, by yea and nay I like not this, And still with amorous talke she was saluted, My artlesse speech with scripture was confuted. Good, good indeed, the best that ere I heard. I promise you it was exceeding good. Oft I frequented her abroad by night, And courted her, and spake her wondrous faire, But euer somewhat did offend her sight, Either my double ruffe, or my long hayre: My skarfe was vain, my garments hung too low, My Spanish shooe was cut too broad at toe. Ha, ha, the best that euer I heard. I parted for that time, and came againe, Seeming to be conformd in looke and speech, My shooes were sharpe toed, and my band was plaine, Close to my thigh my metamorphis'd breech: My cloake was narrow Capte, my haire cut shorter, Off went my Skarfe, thus marcht I to the Porter. Ha, ha, was euer heard the like? The Porter spying me, did lead me in, Where his faire mistris sat reading on a chapter: Peace to this house quoth I, and those within, Which holy speech with admiration wrapt her, And euer as I spake, and came her nie, Seeming diuine, turnd vp the white of eye. So, so, what then, what then? Forward, I pray forward sir. I spake diuinely, and I call'd her sister, And by this meanes we were acquainted well: By yea and nay, I will quoth I and kist her, She blusht & said that long tongu'd men would tell, I seem'd to be as secret as the night, And said, on sooth I would put out the light. In sooth he would, a passing passing Ieast. O do not sweare quoth she, yet put it out, Because I would not haue you breake your oath. I felt a bed there as I groapt about, In troath quoth I, here will we rest vs both. Sweare you in troth quoth she, had you not sworne I had not don't, but tooke it in foule scorne, Then you will come quoth I; though I be loath, Ile come quoth she, be it but to keepe your oath. Tis verie pretie, but now whens the Ieast? O forward to the Ieast in any case. I would not for angell loose the Ieast. Heres right the dunghil Cock that finds a pearle, To talke of wit to these, is as a man Should cast out Iewels to a heard of swine, Why in the last words did consist the Ieast.