1 The Honest Whore (1 The Converted Courtesan) (The Patient Man and the Honest Whore) · chunk 8 of 48
Dekker, Thomas / Middleton, Thomas · published 1604 · first performed or written 1604 (Annals) comedy · Prince Henry's Men unassigned nearest T41 Household service: masters, doors and po · 497 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T41: master, house, door, iohn, old, mistress, basket, lord, gentleman, ick.
It shall be done, although the fact be foul. Greatness hides sin, the guilt upon my soul. signor Pioratto, signor Fluello, shall's be merry? shall's play the wags now? ay, any thing that may beget the child of laughter. Truth I have a pretty sportive conceit new crept into my brain, will move excellent mirth. Let's ha''t, let's ha''t, and where shall the scene of mirth lie? At signor Candido's house, the patient man, nay the monstrous patient man; they say his blood is immovable, that he has taken all patience from a man, and all constancy from a woman. That makes so many whores nowadays. ay, and so many knaves too. Well sir. To conclude, the report goes, he's so mild, so affable, so suffering, that nothing indeed can move him: now do but think what sport it will be to make this fellow (the mirror of patience) as angry, as vexed, and as mad as an English cuckold. O, 'twere admirable mirth, that: but how willt be done signor? Let me alone, I have a wick, a conceit, a thing, a device will sting him i'faith, if he have but a thimbleful of blood in's belly, or a spleen not so big as a tavern token. Thou stir him? thou move him? thou anger him? alas, I know his approved temper: thou vex him? why he has a patience above man's injuries: thou mayest sooner raise a spleen in an Angel, than rough humour in him: why i'll give you instance for it. This wonderfully tempered signor Candido upon a time invited home to his house certain neopolitan lords of curious taste, and no mean palate, conjuring his wife of all loves, to prepare cheer fitting for such honourable trencher-men. she (just of a woman's nature, covetous to try the uttermost of vexation, and thinking at last to get the start of his humour) willingly neglected the preparation, and became unfurnished, not only of dainty, but of ordinary dishes. He (according to the mildness of his breast) entertained the lords, and with courtly discourse beguiled the time (as much as a Citizen might do:) to conclude, they were hungry lords, for there came no meat in; their stomachs were plainly gulled, and their teeth deluded, and (if anger could have seized a man) there was matter enough i'faith to vex any citizen in the world, if he were not too much made a fool by his wife. ay, I'll swear for't: 'sfoot, had it been my case, I should ha' played mad tricks with my wife and family: first I would ha' spitted the men, stewed the maids, and baked the mistress, and so served them in. Why 'twould ha' tempered any blood but his, And thou to vex him thou to anger him With some poor shallow jest? 'sblood signor Pioratto, (you that disparaged my conceit) i'll wage a hundred ducats upon the head on't, that it moves him, frets him, and galls him.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
It shall be done, although the fact be fowle. Greatnes hides sin, the guilt vpon my soule. Signior Pioratto, signior , shall be merry? shall play the wags now? I, any thing that may beget the childe of laughter. Truth I have a pretty sportive conceit new crept into my braine, will moove excellent mirth. Lets ha't, lets ha't, and where shall the sceane of mirth lie? At signior Candidos house, the patient man, nay the monstrous patient man; they say his bloud is immoveable, that he haz taken all patience from a man, and all constancie from a woman. That makes so many whoores nowadayes. I, and so many knaves too. Well sir. To conclude, the reporte goes, hees so milde, so affable, so suffering, that nothing indeede can moove him: now do but thinke what sport it will be to make this fellow (the mirror of patience) as angry, as vext, and as madde as an English cuckolde. O, twere admirable mirth, that: but how wilt be done signior? Let me alone, I have a wicke, a conceit, a thing, a device will stg him yfaith, if he have but a thiblefull of blood i belly, or a spleene not so bigge as a taverne token. Thou him? thou moove him▪ thou anger him? alas, I know his approoved temper thou him? why hee ha a patiece above sooner raise a spleene in an Angell▪ than rough humour in him: why ile give you instance for it. This wonderfully temperd signior Candido vppon a time invited home to his house certaine Nepolitane lordes of curious taste, and no meane pallate, conjuring his wife of all loves, to prepare cheere fitting for such honourable trencher-men. Shee (just of a womans nature, covetous to trie the vttermost of vexation, and thinking at last to gette the starte of his humour) willingly neglected the preparation, and became vnfurnisht, not onely of dainty, but of ordinary dishes. He (according to the mildenesse of his breast) entertained the lordes, and with courtly discourse beguiled the time (as much as a Cittizen might doe:) to conclude, they were hungry lordes, for there came no meate in; their stomackes were plainely gld, and their teeth deluded, and (if anger could have a man) there was matter enough yfaith to vex any citizen in the world, if hee were not too much made a foole by his wife. I, Ile sweare for't: sfoote, had it beene my case, I should ha playde mad trickes with my wife and family: first I woulde ha spitted the men, stewd the maides▪ and bak't the mistresse, and so served them in. Why twould ha tempred any bloud but his, And thou to vex him th to anger him With some poor shallow jeast▪ Sbloud signior Pioratto, (you that disparage my conceit) ile wage a hundred duckats vppon the head on't, that it mooves him, fretts him, and galle him.