1 The Honest Whore (1 The Converted Courtesan) (The Patient Man and the Honest Whore) · chunk 28 of 48
Dekker, Thomas / Middleton, Thomas · published 1604 · first performed or written 1604 (Annals) comedy · Prince Henry's Men unassigned nearest T23 Husbands, wives and jealousy · 503 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T23: wife, husband, cuckold, jealousy, woman, jealous, mistress, love, house, honest.
Is't possible, to be impossible, an honest whore! I have heard many honest wenches turn Strumpets with a wet finger; but for a Harlot to turn honest, is one of Hercules' labours: It was more easy for him in one night to make fifty queans, than to make one of them honest again in fifty years: come, I hope thou dost but jest. 'tis time to leave off jesting, I had almost jested away Salvation: I shall love you, If you will soon forsake me. God buy thee. Oh, tempt no more women: shun their weighty curse, Women (at best) are bad, make them not worse, You gladly seek our sex's overthrow: But not to raise our states for all your wrongs. Will you vouchsafe me but due recompense, To marry with me? How, marry with a Punk, a Cockatrice, a Harlot? mary foh, I'll be burnt thorough the nose first. Why la? these are your oaths you love to undo us, To put heaven from us, whilst our best hours waste: You love to make us lewd, but never chaste. I'll hear no more of this: this ground upon, thouart damned for altering thy Religion. Thy lust and sin speak so much: go thou my ruin, The first fall my soul took; by my example I hope few maidens now will put their heads Under men's girdles: who least trusts, is most wise: Men's oaths do cast a mist before our eyes. My best of wit be ready: now I go, By some device to greet Hipolito. So, this is Monday morning, and now must I to my housewifry: would I had been created a Shoemaker; for all the gentle craft are gentlemen every Monday by their Copy, & scorn (then) to work one true stitch. My M. means sure to turn me into a student; for here's my book, here my desk, here my light; this my close chamber, and here my Punk: so that this dull drowsy first day of the week, makes me half a Priest, half a Chandler, half a painter, half a Sexton, I & halfe a Bawd: for (all this day) my office is to do nothing but keep the door. To prove it, look you, this good-face & yonder gentleman (so soon as ever my back's turned) will be nought together. Are all the windows shut? Close sir, as the fist of a Courtier that hath stood in three reigns. Thou art a faithful servant, and observest The Calendar, both of my solemn vows, And ceremonious sorrow: Get thee gone, I charge thee on thy life, let not the sound Of any woman's voice pierce through that door. If they do, my Lord, I'll pierce some of them. What will your Lordship have to breakfast? Sighs. What to dinner? Tears. The one of them, my Lord, will fill you too full of wind, the other wet you too much. What to supper? That which (now) thou canst not get me, the constancy of a woman.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Ist possible, to be impossible, an honest whore! I haue heard many honest wenches turne Strunpets with a wet finger; but for a Harlot to turne honest, is one of Hercules labours: It was more easie for him in one night to make fifty queanes, then to make one of them honest agen in fifty yeeres: come, I hope thou doost but iest. Tis time to leaue off iesting, I had almost Iested away Saluation: I shall loue you, If you will soone forsake me. God buy thee. Oh, tempt no more womē: shun their weighty curse, Women (at best) are bad, make them not worse, You gladly seeke our sexes ouerthrow: But not to rayse our states for all your wrongs. Will you vouchsafe me but due recompence, To mary with me? How, marry with a Punck, a Cockatrice, a Harlot? mary foh, Ile be burnt thorow the nose first. Why la? these are your othes you loue to vndo vs, To put heauen from vs, whilst our best houres waste: You loue to make vs lewd, but neuer chaste. Ile heare no more of this: this ground vpon, Th'art damn'd for altring thy Religion. Thy lust and sin speake so much: go thou my ruine, The first fall my soule tooke; by my example I hope few maydens now will put their heads Vnder mens girdels: who least trusts, is most wise: Mens othes do cast a mist before our eyes. My best of wit be ready: now I goe, By some deuice to greet Hipolito. So, this is Monday morning, and now must I to my huswifry: would I had bin created a Shoomaker; for all the gentle craft are gentlemen euery Monday by their Copy, & scorne (then) to worke one true stitch. My M. meanes sure to turne me into a student; for here's my booke, here my deske, here my light; this my close chamber, and heere my Punck: so that this dull drowzy first day of the weeke, makes me halfe a Priest, halfe a Chandler, halfe a paynter, halfe a Sexton, I & halfe a Bawd: for (all this day) my office is to do nothing but keep the dore. To proue it, looke you, this good-face & yonder gentleman (so soone as euer my back's turnd) wil be naught together. Are all the windowes shut? Close sir, as the fist of a Courtier that hath stood in three raignes. Thou art a faythfull seruant, and obseru'st The Calender, both of my solemne vowes, And ceremonious sorrow: Get thee gone, I charge thee on thy life, let not the sound Of any womans voyce pierce through that dore. If they do, my Lord, Ile pearce some of them. What will your Lordship haue to breakfast? Sighs. What to dinner? Teares. The one of them, my Lord, will fill you too full of wind, the other wet you too much. What to supper? That which (now) thou canst not get me, the constancy of a woman.