Dekker, Thomas / Webster, John · published 1607 · first performed or written 1605 (Annals) comedy · Children of Paul's (second) unassigned nearest T49 Wooing a mistress: suitors, go-betweens · 486 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T49: mistress, gentleman, love, lady, woman, pray, gentlewoman, hear, honest, way.
Now Squirrel wilt thou make us acquainted with the jest thou promised to tell us of? I will discover it, not as a Derbyshire women discovers her great teeth, in laughter: but softly as a gentleman courts a wench behind an Arras: and this it is, young Greenshield thy Master with Greenshield's sister lie in my masters garden-house here in More-fields. Right, what of this? Mary sir if the Gentlewoman be not his wife, he commits incest, for I'm sure he lies with her every night. All this I know, but to the rest. I will tell thee, the most politic trick of a woman, that ere made a man's face look withered and pale like the tree in Cuckold's Haven in a great snow: and this it is, my mistress makes her husband believe that she walks in her sleep a-nights, and to confirm this belief in him, sundry times she hath risen out of her bed, unlocked all the doors, gone from Chamber to Chamber, opened her chests, toused among her linen, & when he hath waked & missed her, coming to question why she conjured thus at midnight, he hath found her fast asleep, mary it was cat's sleep, for you shall hear what prey she watched for. Good; forth. I overheard her last night talking with thy Master, and she promised him that assoon as her husband was asleep, she would walk according to her custom, and come to his Chamber, marry she would do it so pruitanically, so secretly I mean that nobody should hear of it. be't possible? Take but that corner and stand close, and thine eyes shall witness it. O intolerable wit, what hold can any man take of a woman's honesty. Hold? no more hold then of a Bull nointed with Soap, and baited with a shoal of Fiddlers in Staffordshire: stand close I hear her coming. What a filthy knave was the shoemaker, that made my slippers, what a creaking they keep: O Lord, if there be any power that can make a woman's husband sleep soundly at a pinch, as I have often read in foolish Poetry that there is, now, now, and it be thy will, let him dream some fine dream or other, that he's made a Knight, or a Nobleman, or somewhat whilst I go and take but two kisses, but two kisses from sweet Fetherstone. 'sfoot he may well dream he's made a Knight: for I'll be hanged if she do not dub him. Was there ever any walking spirit, like to my wife? what reason should there be in nature for this; I will question some physician: not hear neither: udslife, I would laugh if she were in Master Fetherstone's Chamber, she would fright him, Master Fetherstone, Master Fetherstone. Ha, how now who calls? Did you leave your door open last night? I know not, I think my boy did.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Now Squiril wilt thou make vs acquainted with the iest thou promist to tell vs of? I will discouer it, not as a Darby-shere women discouers her great teeth, in laughter: but softly as a gentlemā courts a wench behind an Arras: and this it is, yong Greenesheild thy Maister with Greenesheilds sister lie in my maisters garden-house here in More-fields. Right, what of this? Mary sir if the Gentlewoman be not his wife, he commits incest, for Ime sure he lies with her euery night. All this I know, but to the rest. I will tell thee, the most pollitick trick of a woman, that ere made a mans face looke witherd and pale like the tree in Cuckolds Hauen in a great snow: and this it is, my mistris makes her husband belieue that shee walkes in her sleepe a nights, and to confirme this beleefe in him, sondry times shee hath rizen out of her bed, vnlockt all the dores, gon frō Chamber to Chamber, opend her chests, touz'd among her linnen, & when he hath wakte & mist her, comming to question why she coniur'd thus at midnight, he hath found her fast a sleepe, mary it was Cats sleepe, for you shall heare what prey she watcht for. Good; forth. I ouer-heard her last night talking with thy Maister, and she promist him that assoone as her husband was a sleepe, she would walke according to her custome, and come to his Chamber, mary shee woud do it so puannically, so secretly I meane that no body should heare of it. possible? Take but that corner and stand close, and thine eyes shall wt esse it. O ntollerable witte, what hold can any man take of a womans honesty. Hold? no more hold then of a Bull noynted with Sope, and baited with a snae of idles i Staffordshire: stand close I heare her comming. Wat a filty knaue was the shoo-maker, that made my slippers, what a creking they keepe: O Lord, if there be any power that can make a wmans husband sleepe sundly at a pinch, as I haue often in foolish Poetrie that thee is, now, now, and it be thy will, let him dreame some fine dame or other, that hee's made a Knight, or a Noble-man, or some-what whilst I go and take bt two kisses, but two kisses from sweete Fetherstone. Sfoot hee may well deame hees made a Knight: for Ile be hangd i she do ot db him. Was there euer any walking spirit, like to my wife? what reason sould there bee in nature for this▪ I will question some tion: not heare neither: vdslife, I would laugh if she were in Maister Fetherstones Chamber, shee would fright him, Maier Fetherstone, Maister Fetherstone. Ha, how now who cals? Did you leaue your doore open last night? I know not, I inke my boy did.