Jonson, Ben · published 1616 · first performed or written 1609 (Annals) comedy · Children of the Queen's Revels unassigned nearest T23 Husbands, wives and jealousy · 584 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T23: wife, husband, cuckold, jealousy, woman, jealous, mistress, love, house, honest.
Then, if you love your wife, or rather, dote on her, sir: O, how she'll torture you! and take pleasure i'your torments! you shall lie with her but when she lists; she will not hurt her beauty, her complexion; or it must be for that jewel, or that pearl, when she does; every half hours pleasure must be bought anew: and with the same pain, and charge, you wooed her at first. Then, you must keep what servants she please; what company she will; that friend must not visit you without her licence; and him she loves most she will seem to hate eagerliest, to decline your jealousy; or, feign to be jealous of you first; and for that cause go live with her she-friend, or cozen at the college, that can instruct her in all the mysteries, of writing letters, corrupting servants, taming spies; where she must have that rich gown for such a great day; a new one for the next; a richer for the third; be served in silver; have the chamber filled with a succession of grooms, footmen, ushers, and other messengers; besides embroiderers, jewellers, tire-women, semsters, feathermen, perfumers; while she feels not how the land drops away; nor the acres melt; nor forsees the change, when the mercer has your woods for her velvets; never weighs what her pride costs, sir: so she may kiss a page, or a smooth chin, that has the despair of a beard; be a states-woman, know all the news, what was done at Salisbury, what at the Bath, what at court, what in progress; or, so she may censure poets, and authors, and styles, and compare 'em, DANIEL with SPENSER, JONSON with the other youth, and so forth; or, be thought cunning in controversies, or the very knots of divinity; and have, often in her mouth, the state of the question: and then skip to the Mathematics, and demonstration and answer, in religion to one; in state, to another, in bawdry to a third. O, Ô! All this is very true, sir. And then her going in disguise to that conjuror, and this cunning woman: where the first question is, how soon you shall die? next, if her present servant love her? next that, if she shall have a new servant? and how many? which of her family would make the best bawd, male, or female? what precedence she shall have by her next match? and sets down the answers, and believes 'em above the scriptures. Nay, perhaps she'll study the art. Gentle sir, ha' you done? ha you had your pleasure o' me? I'll think of these things. Yes sir: and then comes reeking home of vapour and sweat, with going afoot, and lies in, a month, of a new face, all oil, and bird-lime; and rises in ass's milk, and is cleansed with a new fucus: god b'w' you, sir. One thing more (which I had almost forgot.) This too, with whom you are to marry, may have made a conveyance of her virginity afore hand, as your wise widows do of their states, before they marry, in trust to some friend, sir: who can tell? or if she have not done it yet, she may do, upon the wedding day, or the night before, and antedate you cuckold. The like has been heard of, in nature. 'Tis no devised impossible thing, sir. God b'w' you: I'll be bold to leave this rope with you, sir, for a remembrance. Farewell MUTE.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Then, if you loue your wife, or rather, dote on her, sir: Ô, how shee'll torture you! and take pleasure i'your torments! you shall lye with her but when she lists; she will not hurt her beauty, her complexion; or it must be for that iewell, or that pearle, when she do's; euery halfe houres pleasure must be bought anew: and with the same paine, and charge, you woo'd her at first. Then, you must keepe what seruants shee please; what company shee will; that friend must not visit you without her licence; and him shee loues most shee will seeme to hate eagerliest, to decline your ielousie; or, faigne to bee ielous of you first; and for that cause goe liue with her she-friend, or cosen at the colledge, that can instruct her in all the mysteries, of writing letters, corrupting seruants, taming spies; where shee must haue that rich goune for such a great day; a new one for the next; a richer for the third; bee seru'd in siluer; haue the chamber sill'd with a succession of groomes, foot-men, vshers, and other messengers; besides embroyderers, iewellers, tyre-women, sempsters, fether-men, perfumers; while shee feeles not how the land drops away; nor the acres melt; nor forsees the change, when the mercer has your woods for her veluets; neuer weighes what her pride costs, sir: so shee may kisse a page, or a smoth chinne, that has the despaire of a beard; bee a states-woman, know all the newes, what was done at Salisbury, what at the Bath, what at court, what in progresse; or, so shee may censure poets, and authors, and stiles, and compare 'hem, DANIEL with SPENSER, IONSON with the tother youth, and so foorth; or, be thought cunning in controuersies, or the very knots of diuinitie; and haue, often in her mouth, the state of the question: and then skip to the Mathematiques, and demonstration and answere, in religion to one; in state, to another, in baud'ry to a third. O, Ô! All this is very true, sir. And then her going in disguise to that coniurer, and this cunning woman: where the first question is, how soone you shall die? next, if her present seruant loue her? next that, if she shall haue a new seruant? and how many? which of her family would make the best baud, male, or female? what precedence shee shall haue by her next match? and sets downe the answers, and beleeues 'hem aboue the scriptures. Nay, perhaps she'll study the art. Gentle sir, ha' you done? ha' you had your pleasure o' me? I'll thinke of these things. Yes sir: and then comes reeking home of vapor and sweat, with going afoot, and lies in, a moneth, of a new face, all oyle, and birdlime; and rises in asses milke, and is clens'd with a new fucus: god b'w' you, sir. One thing more (which I had almost forgot.) This too, with whom you are to marry, may haue made a conuayance of her virginity afore hand, as your wise widdowes doe of their states, before they marry, in trust to some friend, sir: who can tell? or if she haue not done it yet, she may doe, vpon the wedding day, or the night before, and antidate you cuckold. The like has beene heard of, in nature. 'Tis no deuis'd impossible thing, sir. God b'w' you: I'll be bold to leaue this rope with you, sir, for a remembrance. Farewell MVTE.