Jonson, Ben · published 1620 · first performed or written 1609 (Annals) comedy · Children of the Queen's Revels unassigned nearest T23 Husbands, wives and jealousy · 582 words · other edition — not in the analysis
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T23: wife, husband, cuckold, jealousy, woman, jealous, mistress, love, house, honest.
Then, if you love your Wife, or rather, dote on her, Sir: O, how she'll torture you! and take pleasure i' your torments! you shall lie with her but when she lists; she will not hurt her beauty, her complexion: or it must be for that jewel, or that Pearl, when she does; every half hour's pleasure must be bought anew: and with the same pain, and charge, you wooed her at first. Then, you must keep what Servants she please; what company she will; that friend must not visit you without her licence; and him she loves most she will seem to hate eagerliest, to decline your jealousy; or, feign to be jealous of you first; and for that cause go live with her she-friend, or Cosen at the College, that can instruct her in all the Mysteries, of writing Letters, corrupting Servants, taming Spies; where she must have that rich Gown for such a great day; a new one for the next; a richer for the third; be served in silver; have the Chamber filled with a succession of Grooms, Footmen, Ushers, and other Messengers; besides Embroiderers, jewellers, tire-woman, Sempsters, feathermen, Perfumers; while she feels not how the Land drops away; nor the Acres melt; nor foresees the change, when the Mercer has your Woods for her Velvets; never weighs what her Pride costs, Sir: so she may kiss a Page, or a smooth chin, that has the despair of a Beard; be a States-woman, know all the News, what was done at Salisbury, what at the Bath, what at Court, what in Progress; or, so she may censure Poets, and Authors, and styles, and compare 'em, Daniel with Spenser, Iohnson with the other youth, and so forth; or, be thought cunning in Controversies, or the very knots of Divinity; and have, often in her mouth, the state of the question: and then skip to the Mathematics, and demonstration and answer, in Religion to one; in state, to another, in bawdry to a third. O, o! All this is very true, Sir. And then her going in disguise to that Conjurer, and this cunning woman: where the first question is, how soon you shall die? next, if her present Servant love her? next that, if she shall have a new Servant? and how many? which of her Family would make the best bawd, Male, or Female? what precedence she shall have by her next match? and sets down the answers, and believes 'em above the Scriptures. Nay, perhaps she'll study the Art. Gentle Sir, ha' you done? ha' you had your pleasure o' me? I'll think of these things. Yes Sir: and then comes reeking home of vapour and sweat, with going afoot, and lies in, a month, of a new face, all Oil, and Birdlime; and rises in ass's Milk, & is cleansed with a new fucus: God b'w'you, Sir. One thing more (which I had almost forgot.) This too, with whom you are to marry, may have made a conveyance of her Virginity aforehand, as your wise widows do of their states, before they marry, in trust to some friend, Sir: who can tell? or if she have not done it yet, she may do, upon the Wedding day, or the night before, and antedate you Cuckold. The like has been heard of, in nature. 'Tis no devised impossible thing, Sir. God b'w'you: I'll be bold to leave this Rope with you, Sir, for a remembrance. Farewell Mute.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Then, if you loue your Wife, or rather, dote on her, Sir: O, how ſhee'll torture you! and take pleaſure i' your torments! you ſhall lye with her but when ſhee liſts; ſhee will not hurt her beauty, her complexion: or it muſt bee for that Iewell, or that Pearle, when ſhee do's; euery halfe houres pleaſure muſt be bought anew: and with the ſame paine, and charge, you woo'd her at firſt. Then, you muſt keepe what Seruants ſhe pleaſe; what company ſhee will; that friend muſt not viſit you without her licence; and him ſhee loues moſt ſhee will ſeeme to hate eagerlieſt, to decline your iealouſie; or, faigne to bee iealous of you firſt; and for that cauſe goe liue with her ſhe-friend, or Coſen at the Colledge, that can inſtruct her in all the Myſteries, of writing Letters, corrupting Seruants, taming Spyes; where ſhee muſt haue that rich Gowne for ſuch a great day; a new one for the next; a richer for the third; be ſeru'd in ſiluer; haue the Chamber fill'd with a ſucceſſion of Groomes, Foot-men, Vſhers, and other Meſſengers; beſides Embroyderers, Iewellers, Tyre-women, Sempſters, Fether-men, Perfumers; while ſhe feeles not how the Land drops away; nor the Acres melt; nor foreſees the change, when the Mercer has your Woods for her Veluets; neuer weighes what her Pride coſts, Sir: ſo ſhe may kiſſe a Page, or a ſmooth chinne, that has the deſpayre of a Beard; be a Stateſ-woman, know all the Newes, what was done at Salisbury, what at the Bath, what at Court, what in Progreſſe; or, ſo ſhee may cenſure Poets, and Authors, and ſtiles, and compare'hem, Daniel with Spenſer, Iohnſon with the tother youth, and ſo foorth; or, be thought cunning in Controuerſies, or the very knots of Diuinitie; and haue, often in her mouth, the ſtate of the queſtion: and then skip to the Mathematiques, and demonſtration and anſwere, in Religion to one; in ſtate, to another, in baud'ry to a third. O, ô! All this is very true, Sir. And then her going in diſguiſe to that Coniurer, and this cunning woman: where the firſt queſtion is, how ſoone you ſhall die? next, if her preſent Seruant loue her? next that, if ſhe ſhall haue a new Seruant? and how many? which of her Family would make the beſt Baud, Male, or Female? what precedence ſhe ſhall haue by her next match? and ſets downe the anſweres, and beleeues 'hem aboue the Scriptures. Nay, perhaps ſhee'll ſtudy the Art. Gentle Sir, ha' you done? ha' you had your pleaſure o' me? I'll thinke of theſe things. Yes Sir: and then comes reeking home of vapor and ſweat, with going afoot, and lyes in, a moneth, of a new face, all Oyle, and Bird-lime; and riſes in Aſſes Milke, & is clenſ'd with a new fucus: God b'w'you, Sir. One thing more (which I had almoſt forgot.) This too, with whom you are to marry, may haue made a conuayance of her Virginitie afore-hand, as your wiſe Widdowes doe of their ſtates, before they marry, in truſt to ſome friend, Sir: who can tell? or if ſhe haue not done it yet, ſhe may doe, vpon the Wedding day, or the night before, and antidate you Cuckold. The like has bin heard of, in nature. 'Tis no deuis'd impoſſible thing, Sir. God b'w'you: I'll be bold to leaue this Rope with you, Sir, for a remembrance. Farewell Mute.