Technogamia, or The Marriages of the Arts · chunk 17 of 64
Holyday, Barten · published 1618 · first performed or written 1618 [Feb 13] (Annals) comedy · at University T9 Theatre talk: prologues, poets and playe typicality 0.75 · 527 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T9: play, stage, poet, prologue, author, wit, plays, muse, scene, players.
HIst, Melancholico, passion o' me! I had almost forgot the main point of the business: here— give that to Causidicus. A man may as well open an Oyster without a knife, as a lawyer's mouth without a fee; but if he were half dead, that would (like strong-water to a dying man) make him Gape, though he could not speak. O the Serpentine ingratitude of man! that these snakes, whom I have nourished in my bosom, should now sting me! This Logicus, a base, dry-brained kecks-witted clinch-fist, not long ago, perceiving his fortunes to be brought to a desperate precipitation; through the incomprehensible difficulty of his Artless curiosities, most fawningly embosoms himself into my acquaintance, upon a former consideration of my alluring faculty; and in the dusty terms of some cobweb eloquence, blunderingly stammered out his extreme, his extreme wants: for he had only so much enforced rhetoric, as to bring out those words twice, & so by chance light upon a sorry Figure; then brutishly he expressed the rest, rather by crying then speaking; (& indeed he had no more moisture else in him, then only to bewail his own misery) when asking what was his request, he answered, that I would turn his unpleasant rules into pleasant Verse: I straight out of the open freeness of my nature and an effuse goodness, prevented the repetition of his suit, by a quick consent; thereupon set myself a work, and after some travail performed it: Some Travail I say; for by the Nine Muses, I think I was above Nine Months in travail with that monstrous birth: If one but consider what splay-footed verses they were, a man would swear, that some infernal hag, not a Muse (though unwilling) had been the mother of them; which unhappy labour when I had showed unto him, the reviving wretch falls on's knees, admires the work, calls me the Aesculapius of his salvation, and with hands lifted up, vows to pay his vows at the muse's altar; that I now more admired at his admiration, then at the deformities of mine own Work: for, by Ioue, they are such unblessed, such unlucky verses, that, besides the loss of custom, which they may justly procure the Author, they are able to make a man be suspected for a conjuror; there wants nothing but a Circle to make a complete conjuration. Fecana, Caieti, Dafenes, Hebare, Gedaco, Gebali stant, non stant, Febas, Hebas, Hecas. Sure I think it should have been Hecate. Well, he enjoys them; and upon the happiness of this success came Grammaticus to me with the like suit: i'faith I did it, and cast most of his Rules likewise into Verse: but by Ioue, since the proud Schoolmaster has showed himself thus ungracious and stiffnecked towards me, I'll be even with him; and now I think on't, there's all his Syntaxis yet to do; but by this hand, if ever I turn line of it into Verse, let me hereafter be a mere Heteroclite, and the very Aptoton of a fool per omnes casus. LEt's set upon him. The gods preserve you Sir, from the black dragon of the night.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
HIſt, Melancholico, paſſion o' me! I had almoſt forgot the maine point of the buſineſſe: heere— giue that to Cauſidicus. A man may as well open an Oiſter without a knife, as a Lawyers mouth without a fee; but if he were halfe dead, that would (like ſtrong-water to a dying man) make him Gape, though he could not ſpeake. O the Serpentine ingratitude of man! that theſe ſnakes, whom I haue nouriſhed in my boſome, ſhould now ſting me! This Logicus, a baſe, dry-brain'd kecks-witted clinch-fiſt, not long agoe, perceiuing his fortunes to bee brought to a deſperate praecipitation; through the incomprehenſible difficultie of his Artleſſe curioſities, moſt fawningly emboſomes himſelfe into my acquaintance, vpon a former conſideration of my alluring faculty; and in the duſtie termes of ſome cob-web eloquence, blunderingly ſtammerd out his extreme, his extreme wants: for he had onely ſo much enforc'd rhetoricke, as to bring out thoſe words twice, & ſo by chance light vpon a ſorry Figure; then brutiſhly he expres'd the reſt, rather by crying then ſpeaking; (& indeed he had no more moiſture elſe in him, then only to bewaile his owne miſerie) when asking what was his requeſt, he anſwer'd, that I would turne his vnpleaſant rules into pleaſant Verſe: I ſtraight out of the open freenes of my nature and an effuſe goodneſſe, preuented the repetition of his ſute, by a quicke conſent; thereupon ſet my ſelfe a worke, and after ſome trauaile perform'd it: Some Trauaile I ſay; for by the Nine Muſes, I thinke I was aboue Nine Moneths in trauaile with that monſtrous birth: If one but conſider what ſplay-footed verſes they were, a man would ſweare, that ſome infernall hagge, not a Muſe (though vnwilling) had beene the mother of them; which vnhappy labour when I had ſhew'd vnto him, the reuiuing wretch falles on's knees, admires the worke, calles me the Aeſculapius of his ſaluation, and with hands lifted vp, vowes to pay his vowes at the Muſes altar; that I now more admir'd at his admiration, then at the deformities of mine owne Worke: for, by Ioue, they are ſuch vnbleſt, ſuch vnluckie verſes, that, beſides the loſſe of cuſtome, which they may iuſtly procure the Authour, they are able to make a man bee ſuſpected for a Coniurer; there wants nothing but a Circle to make a complete coniuration. Fecana, Caieti, Dafenes, Hebare, Gedaco, Gebali ſtant, non ſtant, Febas, Hebas, Hecas. Sure I thinke it ſhould haue beene Hecate. VVell, he enioyes them; and vpon the happineſſe of this ſucceſſe came Grammaticus to me with the like ſute: 'faith I did it, and caſt moſt of his Rules likewiſe into Verſe: but by Ioue, ſince the proud Schoole-maſter has ſhow'd himſelfe thus vngracious and ſtiffe-necked towards me, Ile bee euen with him; and now I thinke on't, there's all his Syntaxis yet to doe; but by this hand, if euer I turne line of it into Verſe, let me hereafter bee a meere Heteroclite, and the very Aptoton of a foole per omnes caſus. LEt's ſet vpon him. The gods preſerue you Sir, from the blacke dragon of the night.