The Two Merry Milkmaids, or The Best Words Wear the Garland · chunk 3 of 54
Cumber, John · published 1620 · first performed or written 1619 [1619-1620] (Annals) comedy · Red Bull (Revels) Company (first) · before the Court T35 Fools, wit and railing typicality 0.81 · 524 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T35: fool, wit, aristippus, achilles, wise, fools, patroclus, thersites, master, men.
Good signior no more eruptions, I tell you what you shall trust to: I am not like a Mill, to be turned with wind and water; not all your sighs and tears can alter me, keep 'em for Custard-eating Dames i'th' City, there they may prosper. Thou art a handsome fellow, I confess it, Hast good parts too, I know it; Living sufficient To keep house i'th' Country, and invite Every good Time thy Neighbours, and at Christmas' Distribute amongst the poor six pence apiece, And a brown Loaf: Good Country virtues these, And may perhaps serve for a doctor's daughter, Though she have read Orlando Furioso. But for me, that have looked higher into Poetry, And for a need can couple of myself, Have talked with Montaigne and with Machiavel, And can make use of them; note him in this Place shallow, here profound: and be th'only Star Whereto all Wits advance their Iacobs Staff, And the Supreme cry me out Excellent. What would three hundred pound a year do here? 'twill keep a blue Coat and a side Saddle, But not maintain my Coach-Horses in provender. Most excellent of Women, that you are worthy All that your hopes can lodge in you, I grant: But Fortune and the Graces were at odds When you were gotten, else you had been made As great as Dignity can make a Woman. But yet you know (I pray forgive my plainness) That in Estate you do not equal me, If that were it I looked at. 'tis true: I think my Portion is some seven score pound, And hardly that by’r lady: what 'tis I know not, It lies above in the Garret in old rusty Armour. But what's that to th'purpose: there's a Spirit (Good or bad, I know not) whispers unto me; Be an Empress Wench, a Queen, or duchess, Countess, or marquess at least, for those are trifles. Now I'll tell thee Dorilus, because thou art a handsome Fellow, as I told thee before; when I am any one of these, thou shalt enjoy me, in plain terms, lie with me, and make a Cuckold: for my Ambition is to advance Greatness. Look, here's thy Sister. Come in a time I doubt to make you blush. Why what mad conference are you two in? For my Ambition is to advance Greatness. As how? Why as a Woman may do; the manner is not to be shown now. I am glad thou art come to take off thy Brother. Take him off, why he is not so fierce, methinks: What, do you weep Brother? Like a watering-pot; he would make an excellent Fountain in the midst of a Garden. A moist Milksop Lover, hang him, on whom Love has no more operation than an Onion: Why, did not I tell you this was the wrong way, & taught you the right; Lectured unto you according to my own heart, and my heart is made of the same stuff that other Women's are: for shame leave, it is both an ill sight and an ill sign to see a man drop at the Nose.
nodes 108–153 (positions in the processed text, not lines of the printed book) · chunk 3 of 54 in this edition
Length
524 words · 696 tokens
Topic (seed 42)
T35 — Fools, wit and railingcross-work theme (confirmed, in the genre comparison) · typicality 0.808 (cosine to the topic centroid)
Other seeds
seed 43: T9 · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Good Seignior no more irruptions, I tell you what you shall trust to: I am not like a Mill, to be turn'd with wind and water; not all your sighes and teares can alter me, keepe 'hem for Custard-eating Dames i'th' Citie, there they may prosper. Thou art a handsome fellow, I confesse it, Hast good parts too, I know it; Liuing sufficient To keepe house i'th' Countrey, and inuisie Euery good Tyme thy Neighbors, and at Christmas' Distribute amongst the poore six pence apeece, And a browne Loafe: Good Countrey vertues these, And may perhaps serue for a Doctors daughter, Though shee haue read Orlando Furioso. But for me, that haue lookt higher into Poetrie, And for a need can couple of my selfe, Haue talkt with Montaigne and with Machiuel, And can make vse of them; note him in this Place shallow, here profound: and be th'only Starre Whereto all Wits aduance their Iacobs Staffe, And the Supreme cry me out Excellent. What wud three hundred pound a yeere doe here? Twill keepe a blew Coat and a side Saddle, But not maintaine my Coach-Horses in Prouander. Most excellent of Women, that you are worthy All that your hopes can lodge in you, I graunt: But Fortune and the Graces were at ods When you were gotten, else you had bin made As great as Dignitie can make a Woman. But yet you know (I pray forgiue my plainenesse) That in Estate you donnot equall me, If that were it I lookt at. Tis true: I thinke my Portion is some seuen score pound, And hardly that byrlady: what 'tis I know not, It lyes aboue in the Garret in old rusty Armour. But what's that to th'purpose: ther's a Spirit (Good or bad, I know not) whispers vnto me; Be an Empresse Wench, a Queene, or Duchesse, Countesse, or Marquesse at least, for those are trifles. Now Ile tell thee Dorilus, because thou art a handsome Fellow, as I told thee before; when I am any one of these, thou shalt enioy me, in plaine termes, lye with me, and make a Cuckold: for my Ambition is to aduance Greatnesse. Looke, here's thy Sister. Come in a time I doubt to make you blush. Why what mad conference are you two in? For my Ambition is to aduance Greatnesse. As how? Why as a Woman may doe; the manner is not to be showne now. I am glad thou art come to take off thy Brother. Take him off, why he is not so fierce, me thinkes: What, doe you weepe Brother? Like a Watring-Pot; he wud make an excellent Fountaine in the midst of a Garden. A moist Milke-sop Louer, hang him, on whom Loue has no more operation then an Oynion: Why, did not I tell you this was the wrong way, & taught you the right; Lectur'd vnto you according to my owne heart, and my heart is made of the same stuffe that other Womens are: for shame leaue, it is both an ill sight and an ill signe to see a man drop at the Nose.