The Devil's Law Case (When Women Go to Law the Devil Is Full of Business) · chunk 27 of 45
Webster, John · published 1623 · first performed or written 1619 [1617-1621] (Annals) tragicomedy · Queen Anne's Men T49 Wooing a mistress: suitors, go-betweens typicality 0.86 · 488 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T49: mistress, gentleman, love, lady, woman, pray, gentlewoman, hear, honest, way.
Why Mistress, 'tis your only way, To enjoin me first that I reveal to you The worst act I ere did in all my life: So one secret shall bind one another. Thou instru'st me Most ingenuously, for indeed it is not fit, Where any act is plotted, that is nought, Any of counsel to it should be good, And in a thousand ills have happed i'th' world, The intelligence of one another's shame, Have wrought far more effectually than the tie Of Conscience, or Religion. But think not, Mistress, That any sin which ever I committed, Did concern you, for proving false in one thing, You were a fool, if ever you would trust me In the least matter of weight. Thou hast lived with me Those forty years; we have grown old together, As many Ladies and their women do, With talking nothing, and with doing less: We have spent our life in that which least concerns life, Only in putting on our clothes: and now I think on't, I have been a very courtly Mistress to thee, (time, I have given thee good words, but no deeds, now's the To requite all; my son has six Lordships left him. 'tis truth. But he cannot live four days to enjoy them. Have you poisoned him? No, the poison is yet but brewing. You must minister it to him with all privacy. Privacy? It shall be given him In open Court, I'll make him swallow it Before the judge's face: if he be Master Of poor ten arpines of land forty hours longer, Let the world repute me an honest woman. So 'twill I hope. Oh thou canst not conceive My unimitable plot; let's to my ghostly Father, Were first I will have thee make a promise To keep my counsel, and then I will employ thee In such a subtle combination, Which will require to make the practice fit, four Devils, five Advocates to a woman's wit. Take her into your Office sir, she has that in her Belly, will dry up your ink I can tell you. This is the man that is your learned Council, A fellow that will troll it off with tongue: He never goes without Restorative powder Of the lungs of Fox in's pocket, and Malligo Reasons To make him long winded. Sir, this Gentlewoman entreats your Counsel in an honest cause, Which please you sir, this Brief, my own poor labour Will give you light of. Do you call this a Brief? Here's as I weigh them, some fourscore sheets of paper. What would they weigh if there were cheese Wrapped in them, or Figdates. joy come to you, you are merry; We call this but a Brief in our Office. The scope of the business lies i'th' Margin sheet. methinks you prate too much. I never could endure an honest cause With a long Prologue to't. You trouble him.
seed 43: T5 · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Why Mistris, tis your onely way, To enioyne me first that I reueale to you The worst act I ere did in all my life: So one secret shall bind one another. Thou instru'st me Most ingenuously, for indeed it is not fit, Where any act is plotted, that is nought, Any of counsell to it should be good, And in a thousand ils haue hapt i'th world, The intelligence of one anothers shame, Haue wrought farre more effectually then the tye Of Conscience, or Religion. But thinke not, Mistris, That any sinne which euer I committed, Did concerne you, for proouing false in one thing, You were a foole, if euer you would trust me In the least matter of weight. Thou hast liued with me Thse fortie yeares; we haue growne old together, As many Ladies and their women doe, With talking nothing, and with doing lesse: We haue spent our life in that which least concernes life, Only in putting on our clothes: and now I thinke on't, I haue been a very courtly Mistris to thee, (time, I haue giuen thee good words, but no deeds, now's the To requite all; my sonne has sixe Lordships left him. Tis truth. But he cannot liue foure dayes to enioy them. Haue you poysoned him? No, the poyson is yet but brewing. You must minister it to him with all priuacie. Priuacie? It shall be giuen him In open Court, Ile make him swallow it Before the Iudges face: if he be Master Of poore ten arpines of land fortie houres longer, Let the world repute me an honest woman. So 'twill I hope. Oh thou canst not conceiue My vnimitable plot; let's to my ghostly Father, Were first I will haue thee make a promise To keepe my counsell, and then I will employ thee In such a subtill combination, Which will require to make the practise fit, Foure Deuils, fiue Aduocates to a womans wit. Take her into your Office sir, shee has that in her Belly, will drie vp your inke I can tell you. This is the man that is your learned Councell, A fellow that will trowle it off with tongue: He neuer goes without Restoratiue powder Of the lungs of Fox in's pocket, and Malligo Reasins To make him long winded. Sir, this Gentlewoman Intreats your Counsell in an honest cause, Which please you sir, this Briefe, my owne poore labor Will giue you light of. Doe you call this a Briefe? Here's as I weigh them, some fourescore sheets of paper. What would they weigh if there were cheese Wrapt in them, or Figdates. Ioy come to you, you are merry; We call this but a Briefe in our Office. The scope of the businesse lyes ith Margent sheet. Me thinks you prate too much. I neuer could endure an honest cause With a long Prologue too't. You trouble him.