Aristippus, or The Jovial Philosopher · chunk 7 of 18
Randolph, Thomas · published 1630 · first performed or written 1626 [1625-1626] (Annals) entertainment; academic entertainment unassigned nearest T35 Fools, wit and railing · 505 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T35: fool, wit, aristippus, achilles, wise, fools, patroclus, thersites, master, men.
Now the whole University is full of your honest Fellows, that breaking loose from a Yorkshire belfry, have walked to Cambridge with Satchels on their shoulders: these you shall have them study hard for four or five years, to return home more fools than they came; the reason whereof, is drinking College taplash, that will let them have no more learning, than they size; nor a drop of wit more than the butler sets on their heads. 'Twere charity in him to sconce'em soundly, they would have but a poor Quantum else. Others there be that spend their whole lives in Athens, to die as wise as they were borne; who as they brought no wit into the world, so in honesty they will carry none out on't. 'Tis Beer that drowns the souls in their bodies: Huson's Cakes, & Paix his Ale hath frothed their brains: hence is the whole tribe contemned, every Prentice can jeer at their brave Cassocks, and laugh the Velvet Caps out of countenance. And would it not anger a man of Art to be the scorn of a what lake you Sir? 'Tis Beer that makes you so ridiculous in all your behaviour: hence comes the Bridelike simpering at a justice of Peace his Table, and the not eating methodically, when being laughed at, you show your teeth, blush, and excuse it with a Rhetorical hysteron Proteron. 'Tis very true, I have done the like myself, till I have had a disgrace for my Mittimus. 'Tis Beer that hath putrified our Horsemanship, for that you cannot ride to Ware, or to Barkway, but your Hackneys sides must witness your journeys. A lawyer's clerk, or an Inns a Court Gentleman that hath been fed with false Latin, and Pudding Pie, contemn you as if you had not learning enough to confute a Noverint universi. Per prasentes me Simplicium. If you discourse but a little while with a Courtier, you presently betray your learned Ignorance, answering him he concludes not Syllogistically, and asking him in what Mood and figure he speaks in, as if Learning were not as much out of fashion at Court, as clothes at Cambridge. Nor can you entertain discourse with a Lady, without endangering the half of your Buttons; all these, and a thousand such errors, are the friends of Beer, that nurse of Barbarism, and foe to Philosophy. Oh I am ravished with this admiral Metaphysical Lecture, if ever I drink Beer again, let me turn civil Lawyer, or be powdered up in one of Luther's barrels, pray lend me the book again, that I may forswear it. Fie upon it, I could love Sir Gyles for presenting those notorious Alewives. Oh, Aristippus, Aristippus, thou art equally divine {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} the only father of Quodlibets, the Prince of Formalities, I ask my Stars whose influence doth govern this orbem sublunarem, that I may live with thee, and die like the royal Duke of Clarence, who was soused up to immortality in a But of malmsey.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Now the whole Vniuersitie is full of your honest Fellowes, that breaking loose from a Yorkeshire Belfrey, haue walked to Cambridge with Satchels on their shoulders: these you shall haue them study hard for foure or fiue yeeres, to returne home more fooles then they came; the reason whereof, is drinking Colledge taplash, that will let them haue no more learning, then they size; nor a drop of wit more then the Buttler sets on their heads. 'Twere charity in him to sconce'vm soundly, they would haue but a poore Quantum else. Others there be that spend their whole liues in Athen, to die as wise as they were borne; who as they brought no wit into the world, so in honesty they wil carry none out on't. 'Tis Beere that drownes the soules in their bodies: H sons Cakes, & Paix his Ale hath frothed their braines: hence is the whole tribe contemned, euery Prentice can ieere at their braue Cassockes, and laugh the Veluet Caps out of countenance. And would it not anger a man of Art to be the scorne of a what lake you Sir? 'Tis Beere that makes you so ridiculous in all your behauiour: hence comes the Bridelike simpering at a Iustice of Peace his Table, and the not eating methodically, when being laughed at, you shew your teeth, blush, and excuse it with a Rhetoricall Husteron Proteron. 'Tis very true, I haue done the like my selfe, till I haue had a disgrace for my Mittimus. 'Tis Beere that hath putrified our Horsmanship, for that you cannot ride to Ware, or to Barkway, but your Hackneyes sides must witnesse your iourneyes. A Lawyers Clarke, or an Innes a Court Gentleman that hath bene fed with false Latine, and Pudding Pye, contemne you as if you had not learning enough to confute a Nourint vniuersi. Per prasentes me Simplicium. If you discourse but a little while with a Courtier, you presently betray your learned Ignorance, answering him he concludes not Syllogistically, and asking him in what Mood and figure he spakes in, as if Learning were not as much out of fashion at Court, as clothes at Cambridge. Nor can you entertaine discourse with a Lady, without endangering the halfe of your Buttons; all these, and a thousand such errors, are the friends of Beere, that nurse of Barbarisme, and foe to Philosophy. Oh I am rauished with this admirall Metaphysicall Lecture, if euer I drinke Beere againe, let me turne ciuil Lawyer, or be powdred vp in one of Luthers barrels, pray lend me the booke againe, that I may forsweare it. Fie vpon it, I could loue Sir Gyles for presenting those notorious Alewiues. Oh, Aristippus, Aristippus, thou art equally diuine the only father of Quodlibets, the Prince of Formalities, I aske my Starres whose influence doth gouerne this rbem sublunarem, that I may liue with thee, and die like the royall Duke of Clarence, who was sowsed vp to immortality in a But of Malmesey.