The Conceited Pedlar (The University Pedlar) · chunk 7 of 8
Randolph, Thomas · published 1630 · first performed or written 1627 [Nov 1] (Annals) entertainment; academic entertainment unassigned nearest T6 Money, debt and credit · 467 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T6: money, master, pound, law, lawyer, chain, gentleman, gold, pay, pray.
I have also several Ruffs; first, a Ruff of pure Holland for a Dutch drunkard, a Ruff of Cobweb-lawn for the University statutes: I have a Ruff for the College too: but by this badge of our College (my reverend Lambskins) our backbiters say, our College Ruffs are quite out of stock; I have no more Ruffs but one, and that is a Ruff of strong hemp, you may have them who will, at the Royal Exchange of Tyburn. As for plain Bands, if you find any in a scrivener's shop, there is good hope honesty will come in fashion again. But you will not bestow your money on such trifles: why? I have greater wares. Will you buy any Parsonages, Vicarages, Deaneries, or Prebendaries? The price of one is his Lordships cracked Chambermaid, the other is the reserving of his worship's tithes; or you may buy the knight's horse three hundred pound too dear, who to make you amends in the bargain, will draw you on fairly to a Vicarage. There be many tricks, but the downright way is three years' purchase. Come bring in your Coin; Livings are Maiori inpretio now, then in the days of Doomsday book, you must give presents for your presentations: there may be several means for your institution, but this is the only way to induction that ever I knew: but I see you are not minded to meddle with any my honest Levitical Farmers. But now expect the treasures of the World, the treasures of the earth digged from the mines of my more than Indian paunch. Wipe your eyes, that no envious clouds of musty humours may bar your sight of the happiness of so rare an object. Come from thy Palace, beauteous Queen of Greece, Sweet Helen of the world, rise like the morn, Clad in the smock of night, that all the stars May lose their eyes, and then grow blind, Run weeping to the man i'th' Moon, To borrow his dog to lead the spheres a-begging. Rare Empress of our souls, whose Charcoal flames Burn the poor colt's foot of amazed hearts, View this dumb Audience thy beauty spies, And then amazed with grief, laugh out their eyes. here's now a rare beauty, oh, how all your fingers itch, who should be the first Chapman? This will be a dainty friend in a corner. And wert not better to embrace this prerty shambles of beauty, this errant Poultry of perfection, than to tumble your soapy Laundresses? Is this like your daggle-tailed Bed-makers? when a man shall lie with Seacole ashes, and commit adultery with the dust of his chamber? methinks this peerless Paragon of complexion should be better countenanced. She would set a sharper edge on your appetites, than all the threepenny Cutlers in Cambridge.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
I haue also seuerall Ruffes; first, a Ruffe of pure Holland for a Dutch drunkard, a Ruffe of Cobweb-lawne for the Vniuersitie statutes: I haue a Ruffe for the Colledge too: but by this badge of our Colledge (my reuerend Lambskins) our backbiters say, our Colledge Ruffes are quite out of stocke; haue no more Ruffes but one, and that is a Ruffe of strong hempe, you may haue them who will, at the Royall Exchange of Tiburne. As for plaine Bands, if you finde any in a Scriueners shop, there is good hope honesty will come in fashion againe. But you will not bestow your money on such trifles: why? I haue greater wares. Will you buy any Parsonages, Vicarages, Deanaries, or Prebendaries? The price of one is his Lordships crackt Chamber-Maid, the other is the reseruing of his Worships tythes; or you may buy the Knights horse three hundred pound too deare, who to make you amends in the bargaine, will draw you on fairely to a Vicaridge. There be many tricks, but the downe-right way is three yeeres purchase. Come bring in your Coyne; Liuings are Maioriinpretio now, then in the daies of Doomesday booke, you must giue presents for your presentations: there may be seuerall meanes for your institution, but this is the only way to induction that euer I knew: but I see you are not minded to meddle with any my honest Leuiticall Farmers. But now expect the treasures of the World, the treasures of the earth digg'd from the mynes of my more then Indian paunch. Wipe your eyes, that no enuious clouds of musty humours may barre your sight of the happinesse of so rare an obiect. Come from thy Palace, beautious Queene of Greece, Sweet Hellen of the world, rise like the morne, Clad in the smocke of night, that all the starres May lose their eyes, and then grow blinde, Runne weeping to the man i'th Moone, To borrow his dogge to leade the spheares a begging. Rare Empresse of our soules, whose Charcole flames Burne the poore Colts foot of amazed hearts, View this dumbe Audience thy beauty spies, And then amaz'd with griefe, laughout their eyes. Heer's now a rare beauty, oh, how all your fingers itch, who should be the first Chapman? This will be a dainty friend in a corner. And wert not better to imbrace this prerty shambles of beauty, this errant Poultry of perfection, than to tumble your sopy Laundresses? Is this like your daggle-tail'd Bed-makers? when a man shall lie with Seacole ashes, and commit adultery with the dust of his chamber? Me thinks this peerelesse Paragon of complection should be better countenanced. She would set a sharper edge on your appetites, than all the three-penny Cutlers in Cambridge.