2 The Honest Whore (2 The Converted Courtesan) · chunk 41 of 47
Dekker, Thomas · published 1630 · first performed or written 1605 [1604-c.1605] (Annals) comedy · Prince Henry's Men unassigned nearest T47 Knaves, thieves and bawds · 499 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T47: knave, rogue, money, knaves, thief, rogues, pray, whore, nichol, book.
And now the Law must teach you to fly high. Right, my Lord, and then may you fly low; no more words, a Mouse, Mum, you are stopped. Be good to my poor husband, dear my Lords. Ass, why shouldst thou pray them to be good to me, when no man here is good to one another? Did any hand work in this theft but yours? O, yes, my Lord, yes:— the Hangman has never one Son at a birth, his Children always come by couples: Though I cannot give the old dog, my Father, a bone to gnaw, the Daughter shall be sure of a Choke-pear.— Yes, my Lord, there was one more that fiddled my fine Pedlars, and that was my wife. Alas, I? O everlasting, supernatural superlative Villain! Your wife, Matheo? Sure it cannot be. Oh, Sir, you love no quarters of Mutton that hang up, you love none but whole Mutton; she set the robbery, I performed it; she spurred me on, I galloped away. My Lords. My Lords, (fellow give me speech) if my poor life may ransom thine, I yield it to the Law, Thou hurt'st thy soul (yet wipest off no offence) By casting blots upon my Innocence: Let not these spare me, but tell truth: no, see Who slips his neck out of the misery, Though not out of the mischief: let thy Servant That shared in this base Act, accuse me here, Why should my Husband perish, he go clear? A god Child, hang thine own Father. Old fellow, was thy hand in too? My hand was in the Pie, my Lord, I confess it: my Mistress I see, will bring me to the Gallows, and so leave me; but I'll not leave her so: I had rather hang in a woman's company, then in a man's; because if we should go to hell together, I should scarce be letten in, for all the Devils are afraid to have any women come amongst them, as I am true Thief, she neither consented to this felony, nor knew of it. What fury prompts thee on to kill thy wife? It's my humour, Sir, 'tis a foolish Bagpipe that I make myself merry with: why should I eat hempseed at the hangman's thirteen-pence halfpenny Ordinary, and have this whore laugh at me as I swing, as I totter? Is she a Whore? A sixpenny Mutton pastry, for any to cut up. Ah, Toad, Toad, Toad. A barber's Cittern for every Servingman to play upon, that Lord, your Son, knows it. ay, sir, am I her Bawd then? No, sir, but she's your Whore then, Yea Spider, dost catch at great Flies? My Whore? I cannot talk, sir, and tell of your Reins, and your fees, and your whirligigs, and devices: but, my Lord, I found 'em like Sparrows in one nest, billing together, and bulling of me, I took 'em in bed, was ready to kill him was up to stab her—
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
And now the Law must teach you to flie hie. Right, my Lord, and then may you flie low; no more words, a Mouse, Mum, you are stop'd. Be good to my poore husband, deare my Lords. Asse, why shouldst thou pray them to be good to me, when no man here is good to one another? Did any hand worke in this theft but yours? O, yes, my Lord, yes:—the Hangman has neuer one Sonne at a birth, his Children alwaies come by couples: Tho I cannot giue the old dog, my Father, a bone to gnaw, the Daughter shall bee sure of a Choke-peare.—Yes, my Lord, there was one more that fiddled my fine Pedlers, and that was my wife. Alas, I? O euerlasting, supernaturall superlatiue Villaine! Your wife, Matheo? Sure it cannot be. Oh, Sir, you loue no quarters of Mutton that hang vp, you loue none but whole Mutton; she set the robbery, I perform'd it; she spur'd me on, I gallop'd away. My Lords. My Lords, (fellow giue me speach) if my poore life may ransome thine, I yeeld it to the Law, Thou hurt'st thy soule (yet wipest off no offence) By casting blots vpon my Innocence: Let not these spare me, but tell truth: no, see Who slips his necke out of the misery, Tho not out of the mischiefe: let thy Seruant That shared in this base Act, accuse me here, Why should my Husband perish, he goe cleare? A god Child, hang thine owne Father. Old fellow, was thy hand in too? My hand was in the Pye, my Lord, I confesse it: my Mistris I see, will bring me to the Gallowes, and so leaue me; but Ile not leaue her so: I had rather hang in a womans company, then in a mans; because if weshould go to hell together, I should scarce be letten in, for all the Deuils are afraid to haue any women come amongst them, as I am true Thiefe, she neither consented to this fellony, nor knew of it. What fury prompts thee on to kill thy wife? It's my humor, Sir, 'tis a foolish Bag-pipe that I make my selfe merry with: why should I eate hempe-seed at the Hangmans thirteene-pence halfe-penny Ordinary, and haue this whore laugh at me as I swing, as I totter? Is she a Whore? A sixe-penny Mutton Pasty, for any to cut vp. Ah, Toad, Toad, Toad. A Barbers Citterne for euery Seruingman to play vpon, that Lord, your Sonne, knowes it. I, sir, am I her Bawd then? No, sir, but she's your Whore then, Yea Spider, doest catch at great Flies? My Whore? I cannot talke, sir, and tell of your Reins, and your fees, and your whirligigs, and deuices: but, my Lord, I found em like Sparrowes in one nest, billing together, and bulling of me, I tooke em in bed, was ready to kill him was vp to stab her—