A New Wonder, A Woman Never Vexed · chunk 14 of 45
Heywood, Thomas / Rowley, William · published 1632 · first performed or written 1611 [1611-1614] (Annals) comedy · Unknown T45 Widows, wooing and remarriage typicality 0.84 · 483 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T45: widow, widows, hoord, master, gentlemen, wife, randalls, wit, mistress, married.
Ha? Some rich widow? By this penniless pocket, I think 'twere not the worst way. I'd be ashamed to take such a fruitless oath: I say, seek me out some rich widow; promise Her fair; she's apt to believe a young man; Marry her, and let her estate fly; no matter, 'Tis charity; Twenty to one some rich Miser raked t together; this is none of Hercules labours. Ha? let me recount these articles: Seek her out; Promise her fair; Marry her; Let her estate fly: But where should I find her? The easiest of all: Why man, they are more common Than Tavern Bushes; two Fairs might be Furnished every week in London with 'em, though no Foreigners came in, if the Charter were granted once: Nay, 'tis thought, if the Horse-market be removed, that Smithfield shall be so employed, and then I'll Warrant you 'twill be as well furnished with widows as 'twas with Sows, Cows, and old trotting jades before. 'Sfoot, if it were, I would be a Chapman; I'd see for My pleasure, and buy for my love, for money I have none. Thou shalt not stay the Market; if thou'lt be ruled, I'll find thee out a widow, and help in some of The rest too; if thou'lt but promise me the last, but To let her estate fly: for she's one I love not, and I'd be glad to see that revenge on her. Spend her estate, were't five Aldermen's; I'll put you In security for that, 'sfoot all my neighbours shall be bound For me, nay, my kind Sister in law shall pass her word For that. Only this I'll enjoin you, to be matrimonially honest To her for your own health's sake: all other injuries Shall be blessings to her. I'll bless her then; I ever drunk so much, That I was never great feeder; give me drink, And my pleasure, and a little flesh serves my turn. I'll show thee the party; What sayest thou to myself? yourself, Gentlewoman, I would it were no worse; I have heard you reputed a rich widow. I have a lease of thousands at least, Sir. I'll let out your leases for you, if you'll allow me The power I'll warrant you. That's my hope Sir; but you must be honest withal. I'll be honest with some; if I can he honest with all, I will too. Give me thy hand; go home with me, I'll give The better clothes; and as I like thee then, we'll Go further, we may chance make a blind Bargain of it. I can make no blind bargain, unless I be In your bed, Widow. No, I bar that Sir, let's begin honestly, howe'er E'r we end; marry for the waste of my estate Spare it not; do thy worst. I'll do bad enough, fear it not. Come, will you walk, Sir.
seed 43: T40 · seed 44: T40 — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Ha? Some rich widdow? By this pennilesse pocket, I thinke 'twere not the worst way. I'd be asham'd to take such a fruitlesse oath: I say, seeke me out some rich widow; promise Her faire; shee's apt to believe a young man; Marry her, and let her estate fly; no matter, 'Tis charity; Twenty to one some rich Miser rak'd t together; this is none of Hercules labours. Ha? let me recount these articles: Seeke her out; Promise her faire; Marry her; Let her estate fly: But where should I finde her? The easyest of all: Why man, they are more common Than Taverne Bushes; two Fayres might be Furnish'd every weeke in London with 'm, though no Forrainers came in, if the Charter were granted once: Nay, 'tis thought, if the Horse-market be remov'd, that Smithfield shall be so imploy'd, and then I'l Warrant you 'twill be as well furnishd with widowes as Twas with Sowes, Cowes, and old trotting Iades before. S'foote, if it were, I would be a Chapman; I'd see for My pleasure, and buy for my love, for money I have none. Thou shalt not stay the Market; if thoul't be rul'd, I'l finde thee out a widdow, and helpe in some of The rest too; if thou'lt but promise me the last, but To let her estate fly: for shee's one I loue not, and I'd be glad to see that revenge on her. Spend her estate, wer't five Aldermens; I'l put you In security for that, sfoote all my neighbours shall be bound For me, nay, my kinde Sister in law shall passe her word For that. Onely this I'l enjoyne you, to be matrimonially honest To her for your owne healthes sake: all other injuries Shall be blessings to her. I'l blesse her then; I ever drunke so much, That I was never great feeder; give me drinke, And my pleasure, and a little flesh serves my turne. I'l shew thee the party; What sayest thou to my self? Your selfe, Gentlewoman, I would it were no worse; I have heard you reputed a rich widdow. I have a lease of thousands at least, Sir. I'l let out your leases for you, if you'l allow me The power I'l warrant you. That's my hope Sir; but you must be honest withall. I'l be honest with some; if I can he honest with all, I will too. Give me thy hand; goe home with me, I'l give The better clothes; and as I like thee then, we'l Goe further, we may chance make a blinde Bargaine of it. I can make no blind bargaine, unlesse I be In your bed, Widow. No, I bar that Sir, lets begin honestly, how E'r we end; marry for the waste of my estate Spare it not; doe thy worst. I'l doe bad enough, feare it not. Come, will you walk, Sir.