A New Wonder, A Woman Never Vexed · chunk 36 of 45
Heywood, Thomas / Rowley, William · published 1632 · first performed or written 1611 [1611-1614] (Annals) comedy · Unknown T27 Uncles, nephews and cousins: kinship and typicality 0.80 · 497 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T27: uncle, niece, nephew, gentlemen, faith, cousin, wife, house, gentleman, money.
I am content to do so: you shall find Nor me nor my husband carry a griping mind. Now coz, where's your Uncle. He's hard at hand, I saw him coming With the Lord Maior and Aldermen. Zounds Knight, if the Maior come The shoulder clappers are not far off. O fear not, I'll be your surety Sir. Do you not smell Poultry ware, Sir Godfrey? Most horribly, I'll not endure the scent on't. Upon my trust none here shall do you wrong; What is his business with the Alderman? About the entertainment of the King That means to visit London. Saw you your sad father? I did; would I might never see man more Since he so hates my sight; the prison door, Which gapes for comers in, that mouth of hell, Shut me out with a churlish cold farewell; After my fathers most unnatural part Was played on miseries stage, mine Uncle comes In thunder on me, threatening with black storms To nail me to the earth, if I relieved my Poor old father. Here's my master now Gentlemen. O Gentlemen, y'are both welcome, Have you paid this money on your bonds yet? Not yet Sir, but here they come like honest Gentlemen To take some order for it: good Sweetheart Shall it be put to me. Do as you please; In all thy deeds thou'rt governed with good stars, Therefore if thou criest peace, I'll not raise wars. e'en order it how thou wilt. I thank ye Sir; then tell me Gentlemen, What present money can you pay? Two hundred pound we can lay down. And take up seven times as much if we knew Where to get it; but there's our lamentable ease: Mistress, if you strip us any nearer, you'll strip the Skin and all I'll assure you, We'll shear no sheep so close. No sheep forsooth, but a poor innocent Lambskin. You should be a Calf by your white face. All your two thousand pound Gentlemen we quit, For your two hundred: go pay the money to My coz, and receive your two bonds canceled: Say Sir, are ye content. Wife I must stand to the arbitrement. Go cousin, receive their Money, and Sirrah make them drink. I'll make them drink if they will; come Gallants empty your bags, and I'll bombast Your bellies; this lean Gentleman looks As if he had no lining in's guts, I could Take him by the leg and hurl him into The dog-house. How now sweet wife, what art thou Musing on? I must come a-wooing to you Sir. A wooing sweet, for what? For your brother; Oh 'tis unmeet For souls framed by one square to grow uneven, 'Tis like a war 'mongst the great lights of heaven, One cannot lose his beauty, but the other Suffers eclipse; so brother against brother. Wouldst have me kiss him that would kill me. Would you kill a man lying at your feet: Do good for ill.
seed 43: T39 · seed 44: T37 — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
I am content to doe so: you shall finde Nor me nor my husband carry a griping minde. Now Cuz, where's your Vncle. He's hard at hand, I saw him comming With the Lord Maior and Aldermen. Zoundes Knight, if the Maior come The shoulder clappers are not farre off. O feare not, I'l be your surety Sir. Doe you not smell Poultry ware, Sir Godfry? Most horribly, I'l not endure the sent on't. Vpon my trust none here shall doe you wrong; What is his businesse with the Alderman? About the entertainment of the King That meanes to visit London. Saw you your sad father? I did; would I might never see man more Since he so hates my sight; the prison doore, Which gapes for commers in, that mouth of hell, Shut me out with a churlish cold farewell; After my fathers most unnaturall part Was plaid on miseries stage, mine Vncle comes In thunder on me, threatning with blacke stormes To nayle me to the earth, if I releeved my Poore old father. Here's my master now Gentlemen. O Gentlemen, y'are both welcome, Have you paid this money on your bonds yet? Not yet Sir, but here they come like honest Gentlemen To take some order for it: good Sweetheart Shall it be put to me. Doe as you please; In all thy deeds th'rt govern'd with good starres, Therefore if thou cry'st peace, I'le not raise warres. E'ne order it how thou wilt. I thanke ye Sir; then tell me Gentlemen, What present money can you pay? Two hundred pound we can lay downe. And take up seven times as much if we knew Where to get it; but there's our lamentable ease: Mistris, if you strip us any neerer, you'l strip the Skin and all I'le assure you, We'l sheare no sheepe so close. No sheepe forsooth, but a poore innocent Lambskin. You should be a Calfe by your white face. All your two thousand pound Gentlemen we quit, For your two hundred: goe pay the money to My Cuz, and receive your two bonds canceld: Say Sir, are ye content. Wife I must stand to the arbitrement. Goe Cozin, receive their Money, and Sirra make them drinke. I'le make them drinke if they will; come Gallants empty your bags, and I'l bumbast Your bellies; this leane Gentleman lookes As if he had no lining in' guts, I could Take him by the leg and hurle him into The dog-house. How now sweet wife, what art thou Musing on? I must come a wooing to you Sir. A wooing sweet, for what? For your brother; Oh 'tis unmeet For soules fram'd by one square to grow uneven, 'Tis like a warre 'mongst the great lights of heaven, One cannot lose his beauty, but the other Suffers ecclipse; so brother against brother. Wouldst have me kisse him that would kill me. Would you kill a man lying at your feet: Doe good for ill.