Randolph, Thomas · published 1632 · first performed or written 1632 [Mar 20] (Annals) comedy · before the Court unassigned nearest T47 Knaves, thieves and bawds · 526 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T47: knave, rogue, money, knaves, thief, rogues, pray, whore, nichol, book.
Why, thou knowest I rob nowhere but on the highway to heaven, such as are upon their last journey thither. Thou and I have been land-pirates this six and thirty years, and have pillaged our share of Charon's passengers. Here are a couple of sound sleepers, and perchance their clothes will fit us. Then will I walk like a Lord, and thou shalt be my Madam, Staphyla. Truly, husband, I have had such fearful dreams tonight, that I am persuaded (though I think I shall never turn truly honest again) to rob the dead no more. For, methought, as you and I were robbing the dead, the dead took heart, and robbed us. Tush, dreams are idle things. There is no felony warrantable but ours, for it is grounded on rules of charity. Is it fitting the dead should be clothed, and the living go naked? Besides, what is it to them whether they lie in sheets or no? Did you ever hear of any that caught cold in his coffin? Moreover, there is safety and security in these attempts: What inhabitant of the grave that had his house broke open, accused the thief of Burglary? Look here: This is a lawyer's skull. There was a tongue in't once, a damnable eloquent tongue, that would almost have persuaded any man to the gallows. This was a turbulent busy fellow, till death gave him his Quietus est. And yet I ventured to rob him of his gown, and the rest of his habiliments, to the very buckrum-bag, not leaving him so much as a poor halfpenny to pay for his wafrage: and yet the good man ne'er repined at it. Had he been alive, and were to have pleaded against me, how would he have thundered it?— Behold (most grave Judges) a fact of that horror and height in sin, so abominable, so detestable in the eyes of heaven and earth, that never any but this day's cause presented to the admiration of your ears. I cannot speak it without trembling, 'tis so new, so unused, so unheard-of a villainy! But that I know your Lordship's confident of the honesty of your poor Orator, I should not hope by all my reasons, grounds, testimonies, arguments, and persuasions to gain your belief. This man, said I man? this monster rather: but monster is too easy a name: this devil, this incarnate devil, having lost all honesty, and abjured the profession of virtue, robbed, (a sin in the action.) But who? The dead. What need I aggravate the fault? the naming the action is sufficient to condemn him. I say, he robbed the dead. The dead! Had he robbed the living, it had been more pardonable: but to rob the dead of their clothes, the poor impotent dead, that can neither card, nor spin, nor make new ones, O 'tis most audacious and intolerable!— Now you have well spoke, why do you not after all this Rhetoric, put your hand behind you, to receive some more instructions backward? Now a man may clap you o'th' coxcomb with his spade, and never stand in fear of an action of battery.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Why, thou knowest I rob no where but on the highway to heaven, such as are upon their last journey thither. Thou and I have been land-pyrats this six and thirty yeares, and have pillaged our share of Charons passengers. Here are a couple of sound sleepers, and perchance their clothes will fit us. Then will I walk like a Lord, and thou shalt be my Madam, Staphyla. Truely, husband, I have had such fearfull dreams to night, that I am perswaded (though I think I shall never turn truely honest again) to rob the dead no more. For, me thought, as you and I were robbing the dead, the dead took heart, and rob'd us. Tush, dreams are idle things. There is no felonie warrantable but ours, for it is grounded on rules of charity. Is it fitting the dead should be cloath'd, and the living go naked? Besides, what is it to them whether they lie in sheets or no? Did you ever heare of any that caught cold in his coffin? Moreover, there is safety and security in these attempts: What inhabitant of the grave that had his house broke open, accus'd the thief of Burglarie? Look here: This is a Lawyers skull. There was a tongue in't once, a damnable eloquent tongue, that would almost have perswaded any man to the gallows. This was a turbulent busie fellow, till death gave him his Quietus est. And yet I ventured to rob him of his gown, and the rest of his habillements, to the very buckrum-bag, not leaving him so much as a poore half-peny to pay for his wafrage: and yet the good man ne're repin'd at it. Had he been alive, and were to have pleaded against me, how would he have thundred it? —Behold (most grave Judges) a fact of that horrour and height in sinne, so abominable, so detestable in the eyes of heaven and earth, that never any but this dayes cause presented to the admiration of your eares. I cannot speak it without trembling, 'tis so new, so unus'd, so unheardof a villanie! But that I know your Lordships confident of the honestie of your poore Oratour, I should not hope by all my reasons, grounds, testimonies, arguments, and perswasions to gain your belief. This man, said I man? this monster rather: but monster is too easie a name: this devil, this incarnate devil, having lost all honesty, and abjur'd the profession of vertue, Rob'd, (a sinne in the action.) But who? The dead. What need I aggravate the fault? the naming the action is sufficient to condemne him. I say, he rob'd the dead. The dead! Had he rob'd the living, it had been more pardonable: but to rob the dead of their clothes, the poore impotent dead, that can neither card, nor spin, nor make new ones, O 'tis most audacious and intolerable! —Now you have well spoke, why do you not after all this Rhetorick, put your hand behinde you, to receive some more instructions backward? Now a man may clappe you o'th' coxcombe with his spade, and never stand in fear of an action of batterie.