Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 16 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue unassigned nearest T35 Fools, wit and railing · 503 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T35: fool, wit, aristippus, achilles, wise, fools, patroclus, thersites, master, men.
Hortano: you have been a great while prating with that pricking fellow and make no reckoning of my neighbour Rustico and me. Belike you think to engross the honour of the whole business to yourselves. But I tell you plainly, if you have termined to put the Holidays down you shall not cozen us so: for it shall be well known that I helped to knock 'em down as much as any man in the parish: and that I gave the hottest stroke about it. Sir you are much mistaken. The tailor is an honest man, and a true man, (although it be impossible) and we are fully agreed they shall stand, & be kept as holy as they were the last year. Are you so Sir? you are but a treacherous fellow for your labour, and a coward too: for I warrant thou hadst rather be at a good dinner then a battle: were not we two worthy to be of the council? Well; I'll be even with thee for this trick. I'll swear, I'll not say a prayer this twelvemonth upon any holiday that shall do any living creature good. What a villain is this? than thou wilt not pray for thyself? No, goodman woodcock? as though I were a living creature. Yes; a man would think so; art thou not? No that I am not. And I'll prove it by an argument, and a sluttegim too. I tell thee, I can chop Logic an I list. I can prove thee an Ass, or any such horn beast with a trice I learned it at Sturbridge fair, the while I was selling hobnails: there was such argenication among the scholars there, whether my nag which I gelt the year before were now a horse or no. It set 'em all one such a froth with spouting one against the tother, that some of the slaver lighted on my face, and yet I had my nag between them and me for fear they would fight, and pull me under their feet. But an they had fought I never meant to part 'em. To be short: with gaping upon them, I swallowed so much Logic as will serve me the longest day of my life. And now I'll practise upon thee to prove myself no living creature. What a goose art thou? Is it possible thou canst speak, and yet be no living creature? prove this and prove anything. I will prove this; and I will prove any thing by Logic: what a maim it is for a man to be ignorant of the virtue and power of Logic. I pity thee, and all such as be unlearned like thyself. Why man: I will prove by Logic that he which was the last year and yet lives, is not. That were strange. How? He that was the last year and yet lives, is not. I cannot devise how this should be: for if he live, how can he choose but have a being?
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Hortano: ou haue beene a great while prating with that pricking fellow and make no reckning of my neighbour Rustico and m ▪ Belike you thinke to ingrosse the honour of the wholle businesse to your selues. But I tell you plainely, if you haue termind to put the Holidaies downe you shall not cosen vs so: for it shall be wel knowne that I helpt to knock vm downe as much as any man in the parish: and that I gaue the hottest stroke about it. Sir you are much mistaken. The Tailer is an honest man, and a true man, (although it be impossible) and we are fully agreed they shall stand, & be kept as holy as they were the last yeare. Are you so Sir? you are but a trecherous fellow for your labour, and a coward too: for I warrant thou hadst rather be at a good dinner then a battle: were not wee two worthie to be of the councell? Well; Ile bee even with thee for this tricke▪ Ile sweare, Ile not say a prayer this twelue-month vpon any holidaie that shall doe any liuing creature good. What a villaine is this? then thou wilt not pray for thy selfe? No, goodman woodcocke? as though I were a living creature. Yes; a man would thinke so; art thou not? No that I am not. And Ile proue it by an argumen, and a sluttegim too. I tell thee, I can chop Logicke an I list. I can proue thee an Asse, or any such hrne beast with a trice I learnt it at Sturbridge faire, the while I was selling hobnailes: there was such argenication among the schollers there, whether my nag which I gelt the yeare before were now a horse or no▪ I set um all one such a froth with spouting one against the tother, that some of the slauer lighted on my face, and yet I had my nag betweene them and mee for feare they would fight, and pull me vnder their feet. But an they had fought I never meant to part um. To be shor ▪ with gaping vpon them, I swallowed so much Logicke as will serue me the longest day of my life▪ And now Ile practise vpon thee to proue my selfe no liuing creature. What a goose art thou? Is it possible thou canst speake, and yet be no liuing creature? proue this and proue anything. I will proue this▪ and I will proue any thing by Logicke: what a maime it is for a man to bee ignorant of the virtue and power of Logicke. I pittie thee, and all such as be vnlearned like thy selfe. Why man: I will proue by Logicke that he which was the last yeare an yet liues, is not. That were strange. How? He that was the last yeare and yet liues, is not. I cannot devise how this should be: for if he liue, how can he chuse but haue a being?