Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 17 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue unassigned nearest T35 Fools, wit and railing · 532 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T35: fool, wit, aristippus, achilles, wise, fools, patroclus, thersites, master, men.
Now it shall appear how short you are with want of Logic. But I'll teach thee a little. He that was the last year (yea and the last week) an honest man, and yet lives, is not now an honest man. This may be. For I have heard an old saying (and I think it be true) that a man may as soon depart with his honesty, as with any thing he hath. So then. Dost not thou think now, that I am as well able to prove myself no living creature? I promise you I am in some doubt of it now: go on. Every living creature loves some other creature. But I love no other creature. Ergo I am no living creature. Now Hortano take all the herbs of thy garden & still their water to powder, thou canst never wash out the strength of this argument. I make it just as they did theirs at Cambridge about my nag. I remember the words, and shall do as long as my nag lives. For one of them spouted thus. Every horse hath stones: but this beast hath no stones; Ergo he is no horse. And I clapped him on the back and told him that he spoke truth. For I gelt him the last year, and eat his stones to my breakfast. But I had like to have marred all by saying so. For there was a nimble-headed Scholar that stood by, (and yet had nothing to do with the question) went about to prove me a horse, and thus he began. Every living beast, or Animal, that hath in him horse stones, is a horse. But this Animal, (meaning me) hath horse stones in him, Ergo he is a horse. I was stricken in such a maze (knowing that I did eat the horse stones) that I was like to sink where I stood, and even presently to congeal into a horse. But there was by chance an honest Scholar by, who saw my colour quite gone, took pity on me, and bade me be of good cheer, I should not be a horse. And told the other to his face, that there was a fallacy in his argument. And then fetched him about with a Recumbentibus, and proved that the horse stones which I had eaten, were consumed, and became such stuff as I cannot tell you without Sir reverence of your teeth; and that they did not grow in me as they do in horses: Ergo the case was altered. Then upon this point of growing, and not growing, there was such a stir, that all the horse-coursers in the Fair came about us. One said they did grow, another denied it, and such part taking on both sides, that in the end I was content (being desirous to make them friends) to be searched in the open market, and so was cleared before them all to have no more stones than I should have. And glad was I that I was not a horse. Had not I (think you good cause to remember Logic? Yes, I shall never forget it if I should live 100 years.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Now it shall appeare how short you are with want of Logicke. But Ile teach thee a little. Hee that was the last yeare (yea and the last weeke) an honest man, an yet liues, is not now an honest man. This may be. For I haue heard an old saying (and I thinke it bee true) that a man may as soone depart with his honestie, as with any thing he hath. So then. Dost not▪ thou thinke now, that I am as well able to proue my selfe no liuing creature? I promise you I am in some doubt of it now: go on. Every liuing creature loues some other creature. But I loue no other creature. Ergo I am no liuing creature. Now Hortano take all the hearbs of thy garden & stil their water to powder, thou canst never wash out the strength of this rgomen▪ I make it iust as they did theirs at Cambridg abou my nag. I remember the words, and shall doe as long as my nag liues. For one of them spouted thus. Every horse hath stones: but this beast hath no stones; Ergo he is no horse. And I clapt him on the backe and told him that hee spake truth. For I gelt him the last yeare, and eat his stones to my breakfast. But I had like to haue mar'd all by saying so. For there was a nimble-headed Scholler that stood by, (and yet had nothing to doe with the question) went about to proue me a horse, and thus he began. Euery liuing beast, or Animal, that hath in him horse stones, is a horse. But this Animal, (meaning me) hath horse stones in him, Ergo he is a horse. I was striken in such a maze (knowing that I did eate the horse stones) that I was like to sinke where I stood, and euen presently to congeale into a horse. But there was by chance an honest Scholler by, who saw my colour quite gone, took pity on me, and bade me be of good cheere, I shood not be a horse. And told the tother to his face, that there was a flacy in his argumen. And then fetcht him about with a R cumbentibus, and prou'd that the horse stones which I had eaten, were consum'd, and became such stuffe as I cannot tel you without Sir reuerence of your teeth; and that they did not grow in me as they doe in horses: Ergo the case was alter'd. Then vpon this point of growing, and not growing, there was such a sturre, that all the horse-coursers in the Faire came about vs. One said they did grow, another denyed it▪ and such part taking on both sides, that in the end I was content (being desirous to make them friends) to bee search't in the open market, and so was cleer'd before them all to haue no more stones then I shood haue. And glad was I that I was not a horse. Had not I (thinke you good cause to remember Logicke? Yes, I shall neuer forget it if I should liue 100 yeares.