Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 27 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue unassigned nearest T44 Drinking: wine, ale and taverns · 534 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T44: drink, wine, numps, ale, butler, pot, sing, moy, drunk, win.
'tis a marvelous toil and trouble that we courtiers are put to, and little considered by the world abroad: for it is commonly midnight before we can be showed our chambers. There we lie like dead persons until next day at noon. All this while nobody comes at us, nor provides us any supping, nor so much as moans us. Then are we forced to rise for stark hunger. Thus tied to our dinner till two of the clock: from that time until four, we must not stir from our seat, one discourse after another holds us fast. Then go we on visitation from chamber to chamber: and before we know perfectly how every one had their health since yesternight, and exchanged our complemental terms, the clock strikes seven. Then duty calls us to Court our most respected and perfumed Mistress, whereof we are not discharged till nine. Now supper bids every one repair to his mess, which commonly continueth no longer than ten. And so after a crash of two hours in play, we are driven every one to his kennel at midnight, as I said before. And this miserable life we lead, and yet are we envied to have all the pleasures in the world. But I think no wise man will so judge if he felt that we know. Master Sperato. I have much desired to debate with you the matter of drinking, and necessity thereof, because at our last meeting here you were so bitter in speech as if wormwood had been all night steeped in your stomach. Therefore I sent for you once again to try if I can persuade you to recantation of your error. That you may easily do Gulato. For if singing the same song over again may pleasure you, I can do it with much addition of voluntary. Is it even so? than I see thou want'st breeding, that art ingrateful for a kindness offered; and ignorant, not sensible of the salutiferous operation of well brewed Ale: which for thy edification, I will manifest and demonstrate by a very familiar and apt similitude: and within the circumference of thy feeble comprehension, whereunto I will now accommodate my whole oration. You are grown very eloquent of late. I think the Ale hath oiled your tongue. Why, thou art in the right. I tell thee I am at this instant so inflamed with the spirit of malt, and my wits so refined with the manifold reverberations, and continual posting correspondence between the residence of that liquour in my stomach, and the quintessential receipts in my head, that no particle of time passeth, but whole streams of exsufflations, and insufflations ascend to the brains, and there work wonders. By reason whereof it were not hard for me to furnish Rider himself with 2000 new words not yet seen in his Dictionary. I could turn Astronomer, and give names to any stars that want. I can pass for a Physician among many fools, and kill as many as the best Doctor of them all. Finally, what would I not undertake as now I am armed? But to return to my druggical similitude, from which thy waywardness hath diverted me.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Tis a marvailous toile and trouble that we courtiers are put to, and litle considered by the world abroad: for it is commonly midnight before wee can be shewed our chambers. There wee lye like dead persons vntill next day at noone. All this while no bodie comes at vs, nor prouides vs any supping, nor so much as moanes vs. Then are we forced to rie for stark hunger. Thus tyed to our dinner till two of the clocke: from that time vntill foure, we must not stirre from our seate, one discourse after an other holdes vs fast. Then goe we on visitation from chamber to chamber: and before wee know perfectly how euery one had their health since yesternight, and exchanged our complementall tearmes, the clocke strikes seuen. Then dutie cals vs to Court our most respected and perfumed Mistris, whereof we are not discharged till nine. Now supper bids euery one repair to his messe, which commonly continueth no longer then tenne. And so after a crash of two houres in play, wee are driuen euery one to his kennell at midnight, as I said before. And this miserable life we leade, and yet are wee envyed to haue all the pleasures in the world. But I thinke no wise man will so iudge if he felt that we know. Master Sperato. I haue much desired to debate with you the matter of drinking, and necessity therof, because at our last meeting here you were so bitter in speech as if worme-wood had bene all night steep't in your stomacke. Therfore I sent for you once againe to try if I can perswade you to recantation of your errour. That you may easily doe Gulato. For if singing the same song ouer againe may pleasure you, I can doe it with much addition of voluntary. Is it euen so? then I see thou want'st breeding, that art ingratefull for a kindnes offered; and ignorant, not sensible of the salutiferous operation of well brewed Ale: which for thy edification, I will manifest and demonstrate by a very familiar and apt similitude: and within the circumference of thy feeble comprehension, whereunto I wil now accommodate my whole oration. You are growen very eloquent of late. I thinke the Ale hath oyl'd your tongue. Why, thou art in the right. I tell thee I am at this instant so inflamed with the spirit of mault, and my wits so refined with the manifold reverberations, and continuall posting correspondence betweene the residence of that liquor in my stomacke, and the quintisencicall receites in my head, that no particle of time passeth, but whole streames of exusflations, and insufflations ascend to the braines, and there worke wonders. By reason whereof it were not hard for me to furnish Ryder himselfe with 2000 new words not yet seene in his Dictionarie. I could turne Astronomer▪ and giue names to any starres that want. I can passe for a Physician among many fooles, and kill as many as the best Doctor of them all. Finally, what would I not vndertake as now I am armed? But to returne to my druggicall similitude, from which thy way wardnes hath diverted me.