Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 30 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue T23 Husbands, wives and jealousy typicality 0.81 · 492 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T23: wife, husband, cuckold, jealousy, woman, jealous, mistress, love, house, honest.
Fear nothing of that Sir, I can tell you news. They say now your title to it is as good as any man hath to his land. And that you will keep my 100l. as safe as the land; and that's good for me. That's no news. You may see now what it is to be circumspect in my dealing, and to have a name to hold fast. Learn this against the time that you have more land. Did you ever hear (neighbour Hortano) such a broil between man and wife as yonder was between Porco and his wife? you and I did very wisely to come away. For sure they did strive before us for their credit's sake to get the victory of each other by scolding; now we are gone perhaps they will give over. methought it was very noisome to hear such unseemly words pass from married folk. Sure their bitterness passed the bounds of humanity. They make me afraid of marrying, if such jars fall out between those that be one flesh. Let it not discourage you more than it repents me that I am married: for it lies in your power to have all well and quiet if you chance to marry even one of the short ribs of the great Devil. How can that be neighbour Rustico? if you can teach me that, you do much. For I have heard many say, that it is impossible to tame a shrew by any means, except by having no woman at all. If you talk of taming by violence, you say well, it cannot be, for the more you strive to break their stomach, the more it grows; like camomile, the more you tread it, the more it spreads; and like a tree felled, where will grow 40 springs. But take a twig by the top, and gently bend it by little and little, it will grow in what fashion you will. A wasp is a shrewd stinging beast by nature, but if she light upon your face and hands, and creep up and down, let her alone, and take her pleasure, she will do you no harm, and quietly pass away. So if your wife will meddle with all things, give her liberty to do what she will, you shall have her merry else she were worse than the Devil. I think this is very likely: but who can endure his wife to do what she listeth at all times? That can I, and that must you, or else you are not wise; for if you may have peace upon any conditions, is it not your fault if you abuse to be jarring? But I have heard say, it is better to have honourable wars, then inconvenient peace. That is among strangers and enemies; but among friends, and with yourself, what peace can be dishonourable? How comest thou to be so cunning in this kind of argument?
nodes 336–347 (positions in the processed text, not lines of the printed book) · chunk 30 of 68 in this edition
Length
492 words · 601 tokens
Topic (seed 42)
T23 — Husbands, wives and jealousycross-work theme (confirmed, in the genre comparison) · typicality 0.808 (cosine to the topic centroid)
Other seeds
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Feare nothing of that Sir, I can tell you newes. They say now your title to it is as good as any man hath to his land. And that you will keepe my 100l. as safe as the land; and that's good for me. That's no newes. You may see now what it is to be circumspect in my dealing, and to haue a name to hold fast. Learne this against the time that you haue more land. Did you euer heare (neighbour Hortano) such a broyle betweene man and wife as yonder was betweene Porco and his wife? you and I did very wisely to come away. For sure they did striue before vs for their credit sake to get the victorie of each other by scolding; now we are gone perhpas they will giue over. Mee thought it was very noy some to heare such vnseemely words passe from maried folke. Sure their bitternesse pass'd the bouds of humanitie. They make me afraid of marying, if such jarres fall out betweene those that be one flesh. Let it not discourage you more then it repents me that I am maried: for it lyes in your power to haue all well and quiet if you chance to mary euen one of the short rib of the great Divell. How can that be neighbour Rustico? if you can teach me that, you doe much. For I haue heard many say, that it is impossible to tame a shrew by any meanes, except by hauing no woman at all. If you talke of taming by violence, you say well, it cannot be, for the more you striue to break their stomack▪ the more it growes; like camamile, the more you tread it, the more it spreades; and like a tree felled, where will grow 40 springs. But take a twig by the top▪ and gently bend it by litle and litle, it will grow in what fashion you will. A wasp is a shrewd stinging beast by nature, but if shee light vpon your face and hands, and creepe vp and downe, let her alone, and take her pleasure, she will doe you no harme, and quietly passe away. So if your wife will meddle with all things, giue her libertie to doe what she will, you shall haue her merry els she were worse then the Divell. I thinke this is very likely: but who can endure his wife to doe what she listeth at all times? That can I, and that must you, or els you ar not wise; for if you may haue peace vpon any conditions, is it not your fault if you buse to be jarring? But I haue heard say▪ it is better to haue honorable warres, then inconvenient peace. That is among strangers and enemies; but among friends, and with your selfe, what peace can bee dishonourable? How commest thou to be so cunning in this kinde of argument?