Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 31 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue unassigned nearest T23 Husbands, wives and jealousy · 509 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T23: wife, husband, cuckold, jealousy, woman, jealous, mistress, love, house, honest.
even as you may if you will take the course that I do. I have a wife, the best creature that ever you saw in the order that she takes with me. But if I should be churlish, as perhaps you would be, and cross her never so little, she would rage like a fury of Hell. She speaks, and I give ear; she gives counsel, and I practise; she commands, & I obey; she chides, and I hold my peace; she preaches, and I believe; thus we live as lovingly as Master and Scholar. But who could abide his wife to teach and control him? Every man that loves his ease. And if all wives be as mine is, she shallbe thrice happy to obey her. For she is the best woman to bring up husbands that ever was borne. She will so instruct them in the wonderful virtue of patience, that if they willbe ruled by her monitions, they shallbe as good as martyrs, a great deal better than living Saints. I thank her heartily, she is my Pilcatory in this world, I shall go straight to Heaven whensoever I die. Therefore lest I should lose the benefit of the blessed state I stand in by any misdemeanour of mine. I dare not offend her in the least matter. O 'tis a great blessing to have such a wife. But for all this it should be long before I would choose such a wife, which did desire to carry such a hand over me as she doth over thee. O neighbour Hortano, that thou didst but taste of the fruits of patience! Look where my wife is; I know her by the sign of the Bible. See how devout she is. She never looks lightly lower than the Element. You may say what you will now, she cannot hear a word, her meditations be so fervent. Why doth she carry that cudgel while she is praying? That is her rod of discipline, and a strange thing it is which now I tell you. She is never so rapt up in her devotions, but if I commit the least fault (as wretched man that I am many times I do, and my best actions are abominable) she perceives it presently (and yet is deaf to all other noise) and she comes to me fiercely in the heat of her charity, and corrects me very handsomely with that wand. But will she correct her servants with this cudgel? O no, very seldom, she does not love them so well) except it be a very great fault. But in me (for the entire love she bears me) she will not suffer the least sin unpunished, lest (as she saith) any might remain to be rebuked by hell fire. But I had rather be her servant, than her husband, if she strike with such twigs. Had you so? but so had not I. For by this I am made sure of my election, when I do patiently endure so great correction.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
Euen as you may if you will take the course that I doe. I haue a wife, the best creature that euer you saw in the order that she takes with me. But if I should be churlish, as perhaps you would be, and crosse her never so little, shee would rage like a fury of Hell. She speakes, and I giue eare; she giues counsell, and I practise; she commands, & I obey; she chides, and I hold my peace; she preaches, and I beleue; thus we liue as lomgly as Master and Scholler. But who could abide his wife to teach and controlle him? Euery man that loues his ease. And if all wiues be mine is, she shalbe thrice happy to obey her. For she is the best woman to bring vp husbands that euer was borne. She will so instruct them in the wonderfull vertue of patience, that if they wilbe ruled by her monitions, they shalbe as good as martyrs, a great deale better then living Saints. I thanke her heartily, she is my Pilcatory in this world, I shal goe straight to Heaven whensoever I dye. Therefore left I should lose the benefite of the blessed state I stand in by any misdemeanour of mine. I dare not offend her in the least matter. O 'tis a great blessing to haue such a wife. But for all this it should bee long before I would chuse such a wife, which did desire to cary such a hand over me as she doth over thee. O neighbour Hortan, that thou didst but taste of the fruites of patience! Looke where my wife is; I know her by the signe of the Bible. See how devout she is. She never lookes lightly lower then the Element. You may say what you will now, she cannot heare a word, her meditations be so fervent. Why doth she cary that cudgill while she is praying? That is her rod of discipline, and a strange thing it is which now I tell you. She is never so rapt vp in her devotions, but if I cō mit the least fault (as wretched man that I am many times I doe, and my best actions are abhominable) she perceiues it presently (and yet is deafe to all other noise) and she come to me fiercely in the heate of her charitie, and corrects mee verie handsomely with that wand. But will she correct her seruants with this cudgill? O no, verie seldome, shee does not loue them so well) except it be a verie great fault. But in me (for the entire loue she beares me) she will not suffer the least sinne vnpunished, lest (as she saith) any might remaine to bee rebuked by hell fire. But I had rather be her seruant, then her husband, if she strike with such twigges. Had you so? but so had not I. For by this I am made sure of my election, when I doe patiently endure so great correction.