Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 38 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue T6 Money, debt and credit typicality 0.78 · 496 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T6: money, master, pound, law, lawyer, chain, gentleman, gold, pay, pray.
I marvel what will satisfy your greedy desires. have you not the whole kingdom at your service & beck? what Lord, Knight, Gentleman, Merchant, Husbandman, or other sort of people is not attendant at your study doors, with paying and praying? and glad that the fee which he gives is of that glorious operation, that it breeds no wrinkles in your forehead, but is cheerfully received? What congees, and submissive requests to peruse their case with a little care? What troops conduct you to the bar? What venison sent to your feasts? What respect and entertainment if you vouchsafe to visit their country houses? And finally, what honour and homage can be done to subjects, but you have it in all fullness, and yet you whine as not contented. I perceive you would murmur if you were so handled as poor merchants are, that unless we turn Usurers, we cannot live. You complain without cause Mureto. Your case is far better than ours: for if one country or commodity afford not gain, you can go into another, and chop and change as often as you list. We are tied to one country and place. You may offer your wares, and are sure to have traffic as the times and prices be. We may not tender our service to any, but sit gaping in our chambers, as melancholic as mice, until somebody chance to knock at the door. It is merry when fishermen complain of herringmen. Surely the world might well spare of both sorts of you a great number. Concerning you Master Mureto, it is clear that you play the merchant with us, who bite and whine at your impositions. although you lose nothing; but the whole burden thereof falls upon them who spend the commodities, and must ere they buy, pay the shot of your impositions whatsoever it be. And for you Master Lawyer, that grow fat with the drops which falls from other men's brows, and be merry with the frets that gall the Clients hearts: whose grief is always to hear of peace and charity; and rejoice with the Fox, that the hens fall out for their perch: what fault find you with this world that was never so rich with envy, and full of suits? You are like the box among gamesters, which gains whosoever lose. But if all men were of my temper, I would make you leap a yard high for a groat. What, a whole yard? what if I were never at the dancing school, and cannot caper so high? Then thou shouldst have but two pence. Nay; I know a trick worth two of that. For if our craft fail, I'll turn minister: and that I am sure will not decay. Woe be to that Parish that shall have a Lawyer to their Pastor. some be already troubled sufficiently with citations; they need no common Law writs. And without a capias vt legatum, a Lawyer can never preach.
nodes 429–436 (positions in the processed text, not lines of the printed book) · chunk 38 of 68 in this edition
Length
496 words · 611 tokens
Topic (seed 42)
T6 — Money, debt and creditcross-work theme (confirmed, in the genre comparison) · typicality 0.776 (cosine to the topic centroid)
Other seeds
seed 43: T9 · seed 44: T10 — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
I marvaile what will satisfie your greedie desires. haue you not the whole kingdome at your service & becke? what Lord, Knight, Gentleman, Merchant, Husbandman, or other sort of people is not attendant at your studie dores, with paying and praying? and glad that the fee which hee giues is of that glorious operation, that it breeds no wrincles in your forehead, but is cheerefullie receaued? What cogees, and submissiue requests to peruse their case with a little care? What troupes conduct you to the barre? What venison sent to your feafts? What respect and entertainement if you vouchsase to visite their countrie houses? And finally, what honour and homage can bee done to subiects, but you haue it in all fulnes, and yet you whine as not contented. I perceiue you would murmure if you were so handled as poore merchants are, that vnlesse we turne Vsurers, we cannot liue. You complaine without cause Mureto. Your case is farre better then ours: for if one countrie or commoditie afford not gaine, you can go into another, and choppe and change as often as you list. We are tied to one countrie and place. You may offer your wares▪ and are sure to haue trafficke as the times and prices be. We may not tender our service to anie, but sit gaping in our chambers, as melancholicke as mice, vntill some bodie chance to knocke at the doore. It is merie when fisher-men complaine of Heringmen. Surelie the world might well spare of both sorts of you a great number. Concerning you Master Mureto, it is cleare that you play the merchant with vs, who bite and whine at your impositions. although you lose nothing; but the whole burden thereof falles vpon them who spend the commodities, and must ere they buy, pay the shot of your impositions whatsoever it be. And for you Master Lawyer, that grow fat with the drops which fals from other mens browes, and be merrie with the frets that gall the Clyents hearts: whose griefe is alwayes to heare of peace and charity; and reioyce with the Fox, that the hennes fall out for their pearch: what faul finde you with this world that was never so rich with envy, and full of suits? You are like the boe among gamesters, which gaines whosoever lose. But if all men were of my temper, I would make you leape a yard high for a groate. What, a whole yard? what if I were neuer at the dauncing schoole, and cannot caper so high? Then thou shouldst haue but two pence. Nay; I know a tricke worth two of that. For if our craft faile, Ile turne minister: and that I am sure will not deca. Woe be to that Pish that shall haue a Lawyer to their Pastour▪ some bee already troubled sufficiently with citations; they neede no common Law writs. And without a capias vtlegaium, a Lawyer can never preach.