Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 45 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue T6 Money, debt and credit typicality 0.70 · 514 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T6: money, master, pound, law, lawyer, chain, gentleman, gold, pay, pray.
O this; this. none like to this. Now I like this riddle excellent well that yields so many, & so witty constructions. Nay here one more comes flowing in. I tell you 'tis a very copious theme. I could keep you here this hour with voluntary variety. I remember them as fast as they come into my brains by huddles. 30 in the 100. and the hangman by: that is, he that will not give 30 in the 100. shall be hanged before he get any money there. And so he shall I warrant him. This is as good or rather better than the other. I commend thee Proberio. either of these will serve our turn. Here, thou shalt have one piece more. I'll be bigger to thee then my word. Thou wilt make all our worships hearts merry with this device. I thank you Sir. And if you knew with what alacrity, and willingness I went about it, you would think it well bestowed. Let him go, he carries his own rod. No man that hath his senses will conjecture otherwise than himself did at first. videlicet. He that takes 30 in the 100 and not a penny under, Is worthy to be pendent till the hemp crack asunder. I bade you go to M. Thompson for my rent, have you brought it. Sir, he hath sent your rent all but 30 shillings which he abated for 80 caudles at 4d the caudle. What an ass art thou? I sent thee for my rent, not to pay for caudles. Why sir, he deducted it, then how could I help it? it were a great shame not to pay for your diet in the account. You should have left the imputation to me. So I did nevertheless: but for my credit's sake that fetched them every morning I thought reason to discharge your score. Score? what score? is my hand at it? or did you keep a tally? I kept no tally but he is a very honest man, & his wife chalked them up behind the dore. I am as honest as they. but yet I never use to keep reckoning of caudles when they be eaten half a year before and the taste washed from my throat. If he cannot afford his Landlord 100. caudles without money, he is no Tenant for me. What; no less than 30 shillings in caudles taken out of my rent at a clap, who did ever hear of the like? And the price too is monstrous: groats apiece? why, it were enough for a supper at my chamber. Indeed they were very sweet and good, but what of that? a man may buy gold too dear. Tell him from me, I will not allow him a penny for caudles, and yet I will have my rent. Sir, there stands a poor gentlewoman called Mistress Richardson at the door, and desires to speak with you. A poor woman, what have I to do with poor folks? bid her come in, she shallbe never the richer for me.
nodes 528–546 (positions in the processed text, not lines of the printed book) · chunk 45 of 68 in this edition
Length
514 words · 668 tokens
Topic (seed 42)
T6 — Money, debt and creditcross-work theme (confirmed, in the genre comparison) · typicality 0.699 (cosine to the topic centroid)
Other seeds
seed 43: T9 · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
O this; this. none like to this. Now I like this riddle excellent well that yeelds so manie, & so wittie cōstructiōs. Nay here one more comes flowing in. I tell you tis a verie copious theame. could keepe you here this houre with voluntarie varietie. I remember them as fast as they come into my braines by huddles. 30 in the 100. and the hangman by: that is, he that will not giue 30 in the 100. shal bee hang'd before he get anie monie there. And so he shall warrant him. This is as good or rather better then the other. I commend thee Proberio. either of these will serue our turne. Here, thou shalt haue one peece more. Ile bee bigger to thee then my word. Thou wilt make all our worships harts merrie with this device. I thanke you Sir. And if you knew with what alacri tie, and willingnesse I went about it, you would thinke it well bestowed. Let him goe, he carries his owne rodde. No man that hath his sences will coniecture otherwise then himselfe did at first. videlicet. He that takes 30 in the 100 and not a peny vnder, Is worthy to be pendent till the hemp crack asunder. I bad you goe to M. Thompson for my rent, haue you brought it. Sir, he hath sent your rent all but 30 shillings which he abated for 80 caudles at 4 the caudle. What an asse art thou? I sent thee for my rent, no to paie for caudles. Why sir, he deducted it, then how could I helpe it? it were a great shame not to paie for your diet in the accoūt. You should haue left the imputation to me. So I did neverthelesse: but for my credit sake that fetched them every morning I thought reason to discharge your score. Score? what score? is my hand at it? or did you keepe a tallie? I kept no tallie but he is a verie honest man, & his wife chalked them vp behind the doe. I am as honest as they. but yet I never vse to keepe reckning of caudles when they be eaten halfe a yeare before and the taste washed from my throat. If hee cannot afford his Landlord 100. caudles without monie, he is no Tenant for me. What; no lesse then 30 shillings in caudles taken out of my rent at a clap, who did euer heare of the like? And the price too is monstrous: groates apeece? why, it were enough for a supper at my chamber. Indeed they were very sweet and good, but what of that? a man may buy gould too deare. Tell him from me, I will not allow him a penie for caudles, and yet I will haue my rent. Sir, there stands a poore gentlewoman called Mistris Richardson at the doore, and desires to speak with you. A poore woman, what haue I to doe with poore folkes? bid her come in, she shalbe neuer the richer for me.