Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 57 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue T23 Husbands, wives and jealousy typicality 0.81 · 512 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of T23: wife, husband, cuckold, jealousy, woman, jealous, mistress, love, house, honest.
If you had, yet must you use discretion in it, and divide none but such as are indeed no marriages at first, but had impediments not dispensable. Otherwise you might be cause of great sin, and inconvenience. You must examine the reasons, and proceed judicially, before you sever them rashly. Never tell me, let them look to that at their own peril. It would take up too much time if there came to me but 100 in a day to examine them all. No. no. if they were willing to be sundered, I would uncouple them: let them range afterward which way they will for me. Well upon thy word that I may be divorced from her if she prove not a certain woman I'll upon her whatsoever she be. And I'll catch her upon a sudden for fear lest it be a dog & bite me. A way coxcomb. I am ashamed on thee: come back, what dost thou mean? O that same is a very suspicious head. I am afraid of it. Afraid of a dead dog? what a cowardly thing is that? A dead dog? marry perhaps the hair is upon a curster snapper than the right owner was. Be ruled by me; I'll stand between thee and all dangers. go orderly to her, take her by the right hand as if thou wouldst dance with he. He danceth toward her and singeth. hay niny. nonny no. hay niny no. hay noniny nonino. heigh ninyno. So he dances toward her. What a fellow art thou? a Courtier? a Cowdriver, come hither once again. Dost thou think to speed & go about It so like a Clown: Thou must woo her, as you court your ladies in the palace. O, must I so? I thought she had been a country gentlewoman, and that the more plainly I had dealt, the better she would like me. But all is well enough yet, for nobody saw me. Thou art deceived in that: for they are as fine and curious as any Lady in Court, though they be not proud a whit. Is't so? well, than I can fit her, she shall have courting enough. And I am glad you tell me of it; for I was in earnest to have loved her beyond measure, & so might have fallen mad, and marred all: but now I'll do even as we do at Court, make many shows of love and service, and intend nothing less. But yet thus honestly I'll deal with this woman (because she is a stranger) that if I love her, and like her, I'll love her until I leave her. Well, 'tis time to be doing, for my love begins to cool very fast: I must kindle it again. Fair Lady, it becomes not gentlemen of good breeding to talk of the weather, or time of the day, or use such idle impertinent speech: therefore, (all preambles and digressions set aside) I come to understand if you be pleased to admit me into the list of your devoted servants.
nodes 714–725 (positions in the processed text, not lines of the printed book) · chunk 57 of 68 in this edition
Length
512 words · 649 tokens
Topic (seed 42)
T23 — Husbands, wives and jealousycross-work theme (confirmed, in the genre comparison) · typicality 0.815 (cosine to the topic centroid)
Other seeds
seed 43: T26 · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
If you had, yet must you vse discretion in it, and devide none but such as are indeed no marriages at first, but had impediments not dispensable. Otherwise you might be cause of great sinne, and inconvenien. You must examine the reasons, and proceed iudiciallie, before you sever them rashly. Never tell me, let them looke to that at their own perill. It would take vp too much time if there came to me but 100 in a daie to examine them all. No. no. if they were willing to be sundred, I would vncouple them: let them range afterward which waie they will for me. Well vpon thy word that I may be livorced from her if she proue not a certaine woman Ile vpon her whatsoever she be. And Ile catch her vpon a suddaine for feare least it be a dog & bite me. A waie cocks-combe. I am asham'd on thee: come backe, what dost thou meane? O that same is a very suspicious head. I am afraid of it. Afraid of a dead dogge? what a cowardly thing is that? A dead dogge? marrie perhaps the haire is vpon custer snapper then the right owner was. Be rul'd by me; Ile stand between thee and al dangers. go orderly to her, take her by the right hand as if thou wouldst dance with he. He daunceth toward her and singeth. Hey niny. nony no. Hey niny n. Hey noniny nonin ▪ Hey ninyno. So he daunces toward her. What a fellow art thou? a Courtier? a Cowdriuer, come hither once againe. Dost thou thinke to speed & goe about It so like a Clowne▪ Thou must wooe her, as you court your ladies in the pallace. O, must I so? I thought she had beene a countrie gentlewoman, and that the more plainely I had dealt, the better she would like me. But all is well enough yet, for no body saw me. Thou art deceiued in that: for they are as fine and urious as anie Ladie in Court, though they be not proud a whit. Is't so? well, then I can fit her, she shall haue courting enough. And I am glad you tell me of it; for I was in earnest to haue lou'd her beyond measure, & so might haue fallen mad, and marr'd all: but now Ile doe euen as wee doe at Court, make many shewes of loue and service, and intend nothing lesse. But yet thus honestlie Ile deale with this woman (because she is a stranger) that if I loue her, and like her, Ile loue her vntill I leaue her. Well, tis time to bee doing, for my loue begins to coole verie fast: I must kindle it againe. Faire Lady, it becomes not gentlemen of good breeding to talke of the weather, or time of the day, or vse such idle impertinent speech: therefore, (all preambles and digressions st aside) I come to vnderstand if you bee pleased to admit me into the list of your devoted servants.