Two Wise Men and All the Rest Fools · chunk 63 of 68
Anonymous · published 1619 · first performed or written 1619 [1613-1619] (Annals) satire; dialogue unassigned nearest T47 Knaves, thieves and bawds · 483 words
Marked words are the most distinguishing words of the nearest topic T47: knave, rogue, money, knaves, thief, rogues, pray, whore, nichol, book.
But do you eat any of this dainty trash with him? Or else I must go hungry to bed, and ride empty the next day. As true as I live, he shall never bring me to this gear. And the next time he makes such a mess, I'll provide sauce: for I'll put a fresh horse-turd in the midst. And my trotting horse will soon season it all alike. Come away, I have eaten four of these eggs, the rest I have put in bran to preserve against the next Term: but what's here? how came this meat here? methinks I should know these pieces. It may be so Sir, but I did never see the like. Why so? As I had the cloak-bag under mine arm, I felt a thing stir within it: and in searching, I found these scraps, and among them an huge Rat. And she went away invisible: for I am sure we could not see which way she ran, nor could I catch her, do what I could, and yet I scambled at her with both my hands. Why do you not gather up the meat, and put it up again? What? and the Rat had pissed on it for fear, and it stinks too bad. How canst thou tell that a Rat had pissed on it, when you confess you did see no Rat? No, not which way she ran away. But if yonder boy had gaped wide enough, he might have catched her in his mouth: and do you think I saw not a Rat? I am sure there was a Rat, for my mind gave me so. And further, I had like to catched her. All this company can tell what a course I had at her, if you will not believe me. Go to, go to. You are a fool. Put them up and let us away. I were a fool indeed, and a beast too, if I would put them up. I bid you put them up like a fool as you are. I cannot put them up like a fool, nor I will not. Thou shalt put them up, or serve me no longer. With all my heart master, I'll turn you off at this instant. Here is witness enough I have given you lawful warning. Gather up this meat Simplo, thou and I will fare the better. 'tis but sending this knaves horse down by the Carrier. Or else I'll drive him with his load, he shallbe the sumpter horse. How lik'st thou this sport Insatiato? hath it diverted thy thoughts a little? It was some recreation I must needs say: but my fit is coming on apace. And look where she comes. Now I tremble with fear of a deadly doom; but I must speak howsoever I speed. Welcome sweet Mistress. Now kill, or keep me alive with your answer.
seed 43: unassigned · seed 44: unassigned — topic numbers are assigned independently in each run; equal or different numbers say nothing by themselves
Original spelling (EEBO-TCP, unregularized)
But doe you eate anie of this daintie trashe with him? Or els I must goe hungrie to bed, and ride emptie the next day. As true as I liue, hee shall never bring mee to this geare. And the next time he makes such a messe, Ile provide sawce: for Ile put a fresh horse-turd in the midst. And my trotting horse will soone season it all alike. Come away, I haue eaten foure of these egges, the rest I haue put in branne to preserue against the nex Tearme: but what's heere? how came this meate heere? mee thinkes I should know these pieces. It may be so Sir, but I did neuer see the like. Why so? As I had the cloake-bag vnder mine arme, I felt a thing stirre within it: and in searching▪ I found these scraps, and among them an huge Rat. And she went away invisible: for I am sure we could not see which way she ran, nor could I catch her, doe what I could, and yet I scambled at her with both my hands. Why doe you not gather vp the meate, and put it vp againe? What? and the Rat had piss'd on it for feare, and it stinkes too bad. How canst thou tell tht a Rat had piss'd on it, when you confesse you did see no Rat? No, not which way shee ran away. But if yonder boy had gap'd wide enough, hee might haue catch'd her in his mouth: and doe you thinke I saw not a Rat? I am sure there was a Rat, for my minde gaue me so. And further, I had like to catch'd her. All this companie can tell what a course I had at her, if you will not beleeue me. Goe to, goe to. You are a foole. Put them vp and let vs away. I were a foole indeed, and a beast too, if I would put them vp. I bid you put them vp like a foole as you are. I cannot put them vp like a foole, nor I will not. Thou shalt put them vp, or serue me no longer. With all my heat master, Ile turne you off at this instant. Heere is witnes enough I haue giuen̄ you lawfull warning. Gather vp this meate Simplo, thou and I will fare the better. Tis but sending this knaues horse downe by the Carrier. Or els Ile driue him with his loade, he shalbe the sumpter horse. How lik'st thou this sport Insatiato? hath it divered thy thoughts a little? It was some recreation I must needes say: but my fit is comming on apace. And loo where she comes. Now I tremble with feare of a deadly doome; but I must speake howsoeuer I speede. Welcome sweet Mistresse. Now kill, or keepe me aliue with your answere.